He doesn’t even give me a moment, doesn’t let me even try to clean the mess. He drags me by my hair, drags me to my feet, forcing me back into the impossible position.
I’mon my knees now, my hands still pressed together but the position is wrong, unstable. My back isn’t straight anymore. He steps closer, his shadow enveloping me completely, blocking out any light.
As if all my fear, all my shame, all of it engulfs me, my legs give way and I collapse into a heap.
He leans down, his hot breath fanning my face, carrying the copper tang of his anger.
“Get up.”
My throat is raw, my voice shredded. All I can manage is a choked gasp. My eyes are wide, pleading as I stare at the floor. Begging him silently to stop, to let me go, to make it end.
I try to obey. I push myself up on trembling arms, my legs still unsteady. I stand, swaying, my hands raised again, my fingers white-knuckled. I hold still; I try, but the tremor is relentless. It starts deep in my bones, shaking through me. Making my hands shake, my legs shake, my whole body shake. I can feel the floor vibrating through my soles.
He sees the tremble. He knows. He doesn’t hesitate.
The shock is instantaneous. A searing lance of pain shoots through me, making me cry out again with a sound of pure agony. I stumble forward, my legs giving way, hitting the floor hard. The trembling intensifies, wracking my body. Tears stream down my face, hot and stinging but I can’t wipe them away, not when the next shock is imminent.
“Get back up.”
His voice is terrifyingly calm, terrifyingly detached.
He is the predator.
I am the panicked prey.
I try. Oh, god, I try so hard. I scrabble at the floor with my hands, pushing myself up onto my knees, then onto my feet again. I stand tall, straightening my back, though it feels like it might snap. My legs are shaking so violently now, I know I won’t be able to hold this position for long. I can feel the muscles in my thighs and calves trembling uncontrollably, threatening to buckle at any moment.
He watches me, his expression unreadable, his satisfaction growing. He raises the device again, and the blue light flashes. The air hums. I brace myself, my eyes squeezed shut for a second.
The shock hits. It’s a white-hot agony, a wave that crashes over me, stealing my breath, making my knees buckle. I hit the floor hard, the trembling subsiding into a shuddering gasp.
My body is limp, weak, trembling even in defeat.
I am on the floor with my hands still raised, palms together but the position is broken, defeated. I can’t stand, I can’t hold still. I can’t stop trembling.
He looms over me. His shadow is heavy, suffocating. He reaches down, his fingers closing around my upper arms, pulling me roughly to my feet. He doesn’t touch me gently, he doesn’t give me a chance to catch my breath. He just yanks me upright, my legs shaky and unsteady beneath me.
“Stand still.”
His voice is a low, dangerous command as he places the device back in his hand.
I stand, frozen, terrified, waiting.
Waiting for the next tremor, waiting for the next shock.
Waiting for the next time my body betrays me.
My legs feel like they are going to give way at any moment. The trembling hasn’t stopped. It’s a constant, agonizing vibration running through me. My hands are still pressed together, but they shake so much I can barely keep them joined. My eyes are squeezed shut, tears streaming down my face, mixing withthe cold sweat on my skin. The floor is cold, and the air is thick with his menacing presence.
I am terrified, I am petrified. I don’t know how much longer I can take this but each time I fail, the shock is worse. Each time I tremble, he punishes me more. He doesn’t explain, he doesn’t give me a break. He just demands, and when I can’t meet that demand, heforcesme.
I try to speak, to plead, to beg him to stop but the word dries up in my throat. He doesn’t allow it, he doesn’t allow me to speak. The thought of trying sends a fresh wave of terror through me.
Stop.Please, stop.Please just let me go.
I can’t say it, I can’t even think it without fear. He will punish me for the thought, for the trembling, for the failing.
I am naked, exposed, vulnerable.
