Tears are streaming down my face now. It hurts so fucking bad to remember what it was like to feel so loved, and then realize it was all a joke.
I clear my throat. “We decided to take the next step. We were both ready. I knew Jeremy wasn’t a virgin, but I was. I was nervous, and scared…but I thought he was the one. So we made a plan. He booked a hotel room. His family was pretty wealthy, so the few hundred dollars was a drop in the bucket for him. It was going to be so romantic. Anyway, Jeremy gave me the keycard, and told me to go on up and get ready. He said he forgot something in the car. And idiot I was, I listened. I wanted to really surprise him, so I went up to the room and got undressed, laying on the bed waiting for him. I remember my hands shaking violently as I took off my clothes.”
Kip sucks in a sharp breath. “You don’t have to keep going…”
“No, I need to get this out. I’m almost done.” I snuggle closer to Kip, pressing every inch of available skin to his. “The door to the hotel room opened, but it wasn’t Jeremy who came in. It was a group of his friends, with a cell phone pointed at me, recording me naked on the bed. They were laughing hysterically. Saying things like ‘I can’t believe you fell for it!’, ‘You really thought Jeremy would want you’, ‘You’re a fucking freak!’. I was mortified and in tears. I crawled under the covers, and eventually they left, slamming the door behind them. I stayed in that room all night, not moving from underneath the sheets. I sobbed, my heart completely obliterated. How could I have been so fucking stupid? I didn’t want to go back to school on Monday. I could have told my Mom, and she would have let me stay home. But I was so fucking humiliated.”
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” Kip’s voice is filled with tears. “That’s so fucked up.”
I huff out a mirthless laugh. “That wasn’t the end. On Monday, every student in the school had seen the video. They shared it all over. I got some looks of pity, but mainly people laughed at me. It was hell. I feel into a deep pit. Started skipping school. Mom eventually found out what happened, and wanted me to report it to the school and police. But I wanted it all to be over. So I finished the school year online. And I never reportedanything.”
Kip tenses against me. “That was sexual harassment, Charlie. None of that was okay, and none of that was your fucking fault. It was all on Jeremy and his friends. And every fucking kid at school that laughed at your pain instead of standing up for what was right.”
“It was easier for them to laugh along, rather than become a target themselves. I get it.”
Kip grabs my face, turning it up to look in his eyes. “No. Absolutely not. There is no excuse. It. Was. Not. Your. Fault.”
A sob wrenches free from me. Mom told me the same thing. And even though part of me thinks they might be right, I still blame myself.
“That’s why I have a hard time trusting others. I push everyone away, don’t let anyone close. I don’t want to hurt like that again. But you…I can’t push you away. Please don’t hurt me.”
Kip tugs me tighter, stroking my spine softly. “I’d never let you push me away, baby. And I will never hurt you. Not again. I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through. And I’m sorry I added to that pain my attacking you, and ghosting you.”
It’s my turn to reassure Kip. “No, Kip. If I’m not allowed to blame myself for the past, then you aren’t allowed to either. You had no control over that attack. And I understand why you ghosted me. As long as you never do it again, we’re good.”
“Never ever again, Charlie. I promise.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Charlie
The Morning After
As the light of day wakes me, my heart begins to pitter-patter when I think about Kip and everything that happened last night. We bared our souls to each other, talking until neither of us could keep our eyes open anymore. After I told him about what happened with Jeremy, he told me about his parents dying and being in foster care. We’ve both gone through traumatic things, but come out the other side.
Although the things we both went through aren’t similar to each other, talking about everything forged our connection deeper than it was before. We know things about the other person that no one else does. I see Kip for who he really is, and he sees me. It’s…freeing.
Nacho lays curled around my head, purring in my ear and nibbling on my hair every now and again. He’s helping calm my frayed nerves with his furry little cuddles. I’ve never really been a cat person, always preferring dogs instead, but Nacho is different. He’s just a cute little guy. And as I lay next to Kip, wondering what’s next, Nacho is helping ease my anxiety.
Kip is lying down on his side facing me. His wavy blond hair is an absolute disaster. His long eyelashes brush against his cheeks, and his mouth is slightly open as he breathes deeply. Kip is ethereal. He looks like I’d imagine an angel would look. Beautiful.
“Like what you see?” Kip’s voice startles a laugh out of me.
“It’s alright, I guess.” I reply nonchalantly.
His eyes flicker open, revealing his unnatural silver gaze. “Mhmm…sure, that’s why you’ve been staring at me.”
“You’ve just got some drool on your chin, that’s all. Right there…” I point to the imaginary saliva.
He flashes a cheeky grin. “You know, it’s okay for you to admit that you like looking at me. We both know I’m a fine specimen. Cream of the crop, and all that.”
I snort. “Oh, okay. Now I’m definitely not going to compliment you. The only thing we both know is that your ego is already too large, and doesn’t need any more padding.”
Quicker than I can process, Kip rolls on top of me, pining me down with his hips. I let out a puff of breath at the sudden weight of his body on mine. Nacho lets out an annoyed mewl, kicking me in the head as he readjusts himself.
“Please feed my ego, Charlie. Please.” Kip pouts.
What a menace. “I will not.”
