“I can’t, princess. I’m not going to lie to you.” I’m taunting him, and we both know it.
Kip rolls over on top of me, holding me down. “Admit it!” He tickles my sides and armpits until I squirm and squeal.
“Fine! I admit it. Even if you weren’t a super cool, interesting, and mysterious vampire, I would still like you!”
“You’re goddamn right, you would.” He smirks exultantly.
I lean down and capture his lips with mine in a soft and sweet kiss.
When I lay back down, I can’t help stare at Kip in wonder. In spite of my outside demeanor, Kip chose me. He somehow saw through the hard exterior that I put up as a front. Ever since that time in high school…I haven’t shown the world the real me. Kip saw it anyway, without me trying.
“What’re you thinking about, sweetheart?” Kip interrupts my thoughts.
I haven’t discussed this with anyone. Not even my friends know. The only people who know are my Mom, and the kids I went to high school with. I’ve tried to move on and forget about it. But even though I hate to admit it, what Jeremy did to me back then is clearly still influencing me now. Jeremy destroyed me, and made me who I am now.
I sigh. “I’m thinking about the past. And how you’re the only one who knows the real me. Besides Mom, obviously.”
“Hmmm…and what does that mean? You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want. But if you want to…I’ll listen.”
I close my eyes, and bury my head in Kip’s chest, pressing the top of my head against his chin. His arms wrap around me, caging me safely against him. Kip was vulnerable with me by asking for what he wanted in bed. He’s actually been super vulnerable with me throughout this entire relationship. Maybe it’s my turn.
“I wasn’t always this closed off. When I was a kid, I was super trusting. Too trusting. I led with my heart, not my head.”
“How is that a bad thing?” Kip asks gently, tilting his face down to press his lips against my hair.
“It can be, especially when someone takes advantage of your naivety.” I whisper into Kip’s chest. “Which is what happened to me.Jeremy taught me that I was stupid to let anyone know the real me. If people now who I am at my core, they have the power to hurt me.”
“Jeremy?” Kip growls.
The anger as Kip says that name makes a spark of something a lot like love flare in my chest. He doesn’t know the full story, or how idiotic I really was, but he’s mad on my behalf. But, once he knows, that’ll probably change.
Here goes nothing. “Yeah, he was…sort of my first introduction into the dating world. Or, I thought he was. It would turn out that I was wrong about his intentions.” I take a deep breath, steeling myself for the flaying open of my heart. “He ran with the jocks, and I ran with the weird kids, goths, nerds. That should’ve been a clue. Why would the most popular guy in high school want to go out with the goth freak? I guess that’s one of the reasons I doubted you too. Now that I’m thinking about it, the two situations are kind of similar. Although I’m seeing now that they’re going to end two very different ways.”
Kip tilts my chin up to look me in the eye. “I like that you’re a little nerdy and a little weird, Charlie. You’re opposite to me, but in all the good ways. You’re so fucking smart, and loyal. You’re kind, and beautiful. You’re everything I need.”
A small smile tilts on my lips. “I mean, those things describe you too, you know. So, not really opposite.”
Kip huffs. “Oh, please.”
“It’s true.”
“Okay, I never thought I’d say this, but enough with the compliments. Continue the story, Charlie.”
My smile falls. “It was senior year. Jeremy and I were lab partners for Biology. And despite the rumors of him being a dick and a bully, he was always super nice to me. I realize now that it’s probably because I let him get away with not helping with our work in class. He always used to tell me how brilliant I was, and how if he helped it would bring our grades down. I soaked up any compliment he gave me like a fucking plant dying of thirst. I made it too easy for him to use me.”
“Okay, you need to stop blaming yourself for whatever this dickhead did.” Kip butts in. “His actions werehis, not yours.”
“If I hadn’t been so blind, I would’ve seen what was really happening.If I hadn’t been so trusting, none of it would have happened.” I argue. “Anyway…there was a big research project for the class. We had to start meeting outside of school. It started fine. We’d meet, usually at his house, and work together. But then things started to change. We started getting closer. Jeremy started…flirting. I was confused. I thought I was the only gay kid in our high school. But even I couldn’t mistake what Jeremy was doing as anything but flirting. And I was proved right when he kissed me one night.”
Kip snarls.
His protectiveness makes a bit of my embarrassment ebb away.
“Afterwards, he confessed that he was bi.” I continue. “And that he had feelings for me. I was beyond thrilled. The hottest, most popular guy in school chose me. He chose me over everyone else. Then he told me we had to keep it a secret. Jeremy said that his parents wouldn’t approve. And I believed him. So we dated in secret. I hate to say it, but at the time it was exciting. The sneaking around, sharing stolen kisses. We never went further than that though. He never pushed me for more than kissing, and that was okay with me because doing anything beyond that was daunting. I wasn’t ready. During the entire time we were together, I never suspected anything. I thought he was genuine. That helikedme. And I thought that maybe I could love him…someday.”
I pause, wiping the tears from my eyes. Taking a deep inhale, I prepare to relive one of the worst memories of my life. It was years ago, but it still stings. I guess I wanted to believe I was over this, but I never really was. Talking about it again makes me realize that I never really processed and moved on.
It sucks to shred my heart open like this…but at the same time, it feels freeing. So I continue. “We dated for a few months, and it was amazing. He was so attentive and caring. Sure, during the school day he ignored me and pretended we were nothing to each other. But when we were alone? It was like I was his entire world. I’d never had that before. It was always just me and Mom. And I love my Mom, but I needed more. As a single parent, she was always working two to three jobs to make ends meet. She loves me more than anything, but it wasn’t enough. I craved attention and affection. And Jeremy gave me everything I wanted. Until he didn’t…”
