“Yeah, bro. You know I get schwasted when we party together.”
“I do know, Kip. But I also know that your blackouts aren’t only from the alcohol.” Tyson sighs. “I swear, this started before we were really friends. I used you, but I didn’t mean to actually like you.”
“Ouch, dude.” What the hell?
“Sorry, but it’s the truth. You were an easy target. A pretty himbo who loved to party? I needed someone I could easily get drunk enough to feed off of, and then erase their memories of the entire night. Someone who would think they were just partying too hard. You hit every mark. And you were so easy to coerce. You never backed down from a challenge or a shot. You became a bad habit, because it was so easy.”
Wow. My best friend has been using me since I’ve known him? Are we even friends at all? This hurts. “The fuck are you talking about Tys? Feeding off me? What the hell does that mean?”
“I’m a vampire, Kipper. Have been since 1982.”
I laugh. Full on, crying laughing that makes me hunch over because it hurts my stomach. “Ooooohhhkayyy. You got me good, Tys. You really had me going.” I wipe my teary eyes. “Damn. I thought for sure that you were saying our friendship is a lie.”
Tys flinches. “It might have started as a lie, but I actually do like you, Kip. You’re the peanut butter to my jelly, bro. But, I’m not messing with you. I’m telling you this because I think I may have accidentally turned you into a vampire.”
“You’re really committed to this bit, I admire that, but the jig is up. You’re fucking with me, I get it. I may be dense, but I’m not stupid.”
“No, dude.” Tyson shakes his head, his eyes pleading with me to listen to him. “Listen. Last night, we went out to Crave. It was the usual,I got you drunk enough that you were out of it so I could feed on you. Then I wiped your memories. To be fair, afterwards you did seem fine and chill, so I didn’t feel bad when I left you to hook up with Sarah. But that’s not the point. The point is, I healed you with my blood so you wouldn’t have any marks. And then, this morning, you were walking home and climbed that fucking tree like a goddamn hero, and fell from it saving that cat.”
“Tyson, this isn’t really funny anymore. The bit is getting old.”
“It’s not a fucking bit! The only thing that was bit was you! I bit you, healed you. Then you fell from a tree and broke your damn neck, died, and now you’re turning into a vampire! This isn’t a joke, Kip. If you don’t feed in the next three days, you’ll die for real.”
“You know, it was kind of weird how my neck was bent like that. You know, all the way to my shoulder? The dude who saw me fall thought I would be dead. But that doesn’t mean I’m a vampire, and there’s no proof saying you are either. Anyway, I never knew you were into horror movies like that.”
Tyson leaps up from the couch, moving faster than I can comprehend across the living room to stand in front of me. He leans down, bracing his hands on the couch behind my head, and bares his teeth to me. Where his normal canine teeth usually are, long fangs click into place, protruding out of his mouth. My jaw drops as I stare at them.
“Look at my eyes, Kip.” Tyson hisses.
When my gaze meets his, I see that his usual gray eyes are now swirling, like his irises are make of smoke or mist. They’re almost hypnotic.
“Woah, dude! Those contacts are hella tight. And how did you get those fake fangs to pop out like that? That’s a sick trick. Dope for Halloween.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake. I really didn’t want to have to do this, but if it’s the only way you’ll believe me…” Tyson lifts up his hand, revealing long, dark, talon-like fingernails in place of his normal ones. Raising the talons to his throat, he slowly drags one sharp nail across it, slicing open his neck.
“WHAT THE FUCK!” I shriek, shrinking back away from him as blood pours from his throat.
Tyson gurgles, slicing deeper and deeper until his head falls backwards, hanging on by a flap of skin to his neck. His body loosens, falling to the floor with a thump.
I’m scrambling to pull out my phone to call 911 when I hear a wet sucking sound coming from the direction of Tyson’s body. My eyes snap to where his head dangles off his body. I watch in horror and morbid fascination as the skin of his neck begins slowly knitting itself back together. The blood that seeped out of the wound flows in reverse, trailing back up until it re-enters Tyson’s body. Even Nacho watches beside me, his green eyes wide, and his hair standing on end.
Soon, the puddle of blood is gone, and the slice across Tyson’s neck is no longer visible. Not even a trace is left, like it was never even there.
Tyson gasps loudly, his once dead eyes blinking back to life, before he sits up to look at me. “Do you believe me now?”
Chapter Three
Kip
A Day of Firsts
“What the fuck?”I stare in horror and shock at Tyson’s now reanimated body. “What the friggidy fuck?!”
“Look, Kip. I’m sorry that this happened. I shouldn’t have used you like that. But how was I to know you’d fall out of a tree saving a cat and break your neck?!”
My mouth hangs open for a moment while I gather my remaining brains. “So, you’ve been like…biting me…this whole time we’ve been…I mean, what even is this? Are we actually even friends?”
“I’m sorry dude, okay?!” Tyson’s face is filled with regret. “You were so trusting, and eager to be my friend, and it was easy to feed on you every time rather than trying to find a new target! But yes, we are friendsnow. And after we became buds, I figured you wouldn’t mind me noshing on you ‘cuz that’s what buds are for!”
