She stooped over the bench, gathering up the remaining pages and organizing them in a neat stack. Amid her movements, she glanced up at me, eyes like stone. “You’re right. I don’t believe you even have a heart.”
I kicked the crumpled pages away from her reach before turning to leave. Before I moved, I said, in a voice just as hard, “That is because a woman is much better off without one.”
The house was not as silent as I had expected when I walked through the front door. Loud voices echoed from the corridor near Papa’s study. Alarm bolted through my body, and I walked faster. Mama’s words, shrill and unidentifiable, were mingled with sobs. As I came closer, I recognized the low rumble of Papa’s voice.
I stopped. When had he returned? It must have been just moments before. Mama shouted something else, but I couldn’tunderstand through her tears. My heart raced as I made my way down the long corridor and rounded the corner. I stopped with one hand on the wall, a wave of shock rolling through my chest.
Mama stood with her head in her hands, far from the composed posture I had come to know and expect from her. Papa’s stiff hand rested on her shoulder, as if in an attempt to console her. His face was gaunt, eyes falling back into deep sockets. The lines in his face looked deeper than I remembered, yet he had only aged a few months since I had last seen him. I felt like I was intruding, yet I couldn’t look away.
Mama jerked back from Papa’s touch, shooting a glare in his direction. “We will never recover from this!”
Papa was silent.
Mama’s eyes found me in the dark corridor. I retreated back a step, but she ran to me, a wave of fresh sobs shaking her frame. “Everything I care for! Gone.” She took me by the shoulders with a firm grip, holding me tight as she glared at Papa. Her shaky words sent a chill across my spine. “We are ruined, Charlotte. All because ofhim.”
I pushed her away and took a step back, staring at her with wide eyes. “What do you mean?” Mama was clearly too discomposed to answer. My gaze moved to Papa of its own accord. “What does she mean?” I realized it was the first time I had spoken to him in months. I had given up trying long ago.
Papa dropped his head and rubbed the back of his neck.
Fear swirled around my heart. “Papa, what have you done?” The words scratched my throat.
He took one step forward, and his bloodshot eyes only blinked once. I expected a thorough explanation, maybe an excuse for Mama’s reaction. But he spoke just two words. “I’m sorry.”
And then his slumping form retreated into the hallway. I heard a door shut.
I couldn’t breathe as the image of him faded. In all the years I had known him, he had never appeared so…broken. I tried again to think of the last time he had spoken to me, besides a brief word, but could think of nothing. My heart thudded with dread as I turned my attention to Mama. I had never seen her like this. Something was terribly wrong.
With her face in her hands, she paced away from me and wailed into the open air, cursing Papa between gasps of breath.
Clara stepped up beside me. I hadn’t heard her approach, but she froze at the sight of Mama so uncollected.
“Your father has ruined us!” Mama whirled around and crossed the room to his portrait on the wall. Her nails pressed into the canvas, scraping over the paint. Her ribs swelled with a deep breath through the back of her gown before she spoke again. “He gambled away the bulk of his fortune. And that is not the worst of it. He was caught cheating at cards. All of London now knows of our family’s disgrace and what little we have. My husband is to be exiled to France and nothing will be left to us but this house and what little profit it still provides.” She scratched her nails over the portrait of Papa again in a quick slash, but it made no mark. With another cry of outrage, she pushed away from the wall and turned toward us.
Despite our recent fight, Clara and I exchanged a glance. My heart sank with dread. I struggled to draw a breath as the reality of Mama’s words tore through me. Fear pooled in my chest so deeply I thought I might drown in it. Everything I had planned—my living now, my living in the future—was being ripped from my grasp. Papa often found himself in gaming halls less than reputable. But risking so much in a gamble? And cheating? I had never thought him to be so reckless.
But then, I hardly knew him. I never had.
My heart picked up speed, and tears tightened a knot in my throat before splashing from my eyes. “What are we to do?” I whispered.
Mama wiped the tears from her face roughly and swallowed hard. “We can no longer afford this house. We will have to move to a despicable little cottage…” Suddenly, her eyes lit up with urgency. “Charlotte. Yes, Charlotte, you are our only hope. We shall move to the North, where we are entirely unknown. There you will meet all new gentlemen, none of whom will know of Papa’s scandal. If you were to win the heart of a wealthy man, perhaps one with connections and influence, we could start anew.”
“Me?” My heart raced even faster. “But how—how?”
“No questions, Charlotte. You must do this. It must be you. Clara is too plain to succeed quickly enough.” Her face had calmed a little, her eyes trained on me with determination. If only I felt it within myself. I was afraid, and for once I wondered if I could succeed. My confidence was wavering, and the feeling was completely new to me.
Mama paced the room with fresh speed. “Northumberland. That is where we must go. Perhaps Berwick? The place has been begging to be called Scotland for years.”
Clara and I exchanged yet another glance. Tears fell speedily down her cheeks. “That is a long journey, Mama,” Clara said.
“No, Craster! Yes, Craster will be perfect,” Mama continued, ignoring Clara. “The people there will surely have no idea who we are. I believe the Earl of Trowbridge resides there, and he has been away from London for years. He won’t have heard of Papa’s disgrace.”
I swallowed, my throat dry. “Mama?—”
She put the back of her hand against her forehead and swayed on her feet. “I am feeling faint, now. The hour is late. Go to sleep. And Charlotte,” she regarded me firmly. “I expectnothing short of a miracle from you. I have invested so very much in you. It is time you repay the favor.”
Then she was gone, swallowed up in the darkness of the corridor.
My shoulders quaked with a contained sob. Emotion tore through me so strong that I felt it tingle in the tips of my fingers. Was this really happening? I choked on a breath, and my legs shook beneath me. I felt Clara’s shock from where she stood beside me, but I couldn’t speak to her. At the moment, all I wanted was to be alone. I rushed away from her side and ran up the stairs. My feet seemed to float, making me wonder once again if this was real, if any of it was real. I burst into my bedchamber where Anna stood at attention.
