Yes. This was my opportunity. I couldn’t waste it.
I tugged on the bell pull, and a few minutes later, Eliza was at my door.
“I wish to go for a walk.” I gave her my most cajoling smile.
She threw me a questioning look, one that verged on berating, but helped me dress in a white muslin morning dress anyway. I wore my cloak over it to ensure I had something warmto wrap myself up in after my swim. Eliza would not need to know my intentions until she was too late to stop me.
I smiled to myself. By the time the morning was through, I might be free of my worries about Charlotte and Mr. Croft. They might be swept away, and I could forget both of them for good. By dipping into those waters, I could symbolically start my trip anew—without any burdens to carry with me for what remained of my time in Brighton.
I repeated these reassurances in my mind as Eliza and I made the walk toward the beach. The sky wasn’t entirely dark, but it also wasn’t light. With my cloak over my hair, I felt safe and hidden from anyone who might recognize me. But it didn’t matter.
By the time we reached my secluded beach, there wasn’t a soul in sight.
My heart pumped fast as I looked out over the water. It was not as calm as it had been the last time I had visited. The waves rolled in faster, but they were still small enough to look manageable. I was an experienced swimmer from my practice at the deep ponds near Kellaway Manor. How different could the sea be? I knew there was the possibility of fish under the surface. That was what gave me the most hesitation. I certainly didn’t want any sea creatures brushing against my legs or feet.
Or biting them.
My stomach twisted with a mixture of nervousness and glee. Was I truly going to do it? If so, I was running out of time. The sunrise was steady, stealing away my blanket of privacy. I would have to be quick—just a few minutes of amusement out in the waves and back in again. It made me smile to think of how appalled Charlotte would be by my behavior.
That was the final encouraging thought I needed.
Without glancing back at Eliza, I took off my cloak, leaving it on the rocks behind us. I crouched down to unlace my boots.
“Miss?” Eliza hissed.
“Shh.” I put a finger to my lips, tossing her a playful smile. “I won’t be long.”
I heard her huffed breath as I walked in my stocking feet across the pebbles, sand, and seaweed. Delight bubbled up inside me, but I kept my mouth shut. I took a glance toward the other side of the beach. I couldn’t see beyond the tall rocks, but it was safe to assume I was alone.
With tentative steps, I inched closer to the water’s edge. The seafoam lapped over my toes. It was colder than I remembered. Perhaps having a dipper to force me under the surface would be beneficial after all. My arms erupted in gooseflesh as I took another step into the water. A wave struck my lower legs, but I pressed forward until the water reached my thighs. My white muslin skirts floated around me, tossing with the force of the water. A large wave was coming, coiling up toward me.
Before I could lose my nerve, I took a deep breath and dove into it.
Chapter Eleven
JONATHAN
Itossed my shirtsleeves behind a wall of seaweed-coated rocks, the breeze catching the fabric and carrying it a few inches short of my discarded boots. The white fabric reminded me of Miss Lyon’s handkerchief. I stopped my mind from spiraling through the events of that horseback ride all over again. I had thought of that morning—and Miss Kellaway—far too many times already.
My sunrise swim was now a part of my routine, and I had yet to be seen in this particular area of the beach. But if I didn’t make haste, Iwouldbe seen today.
In nothing but my breeches.
The waves were sizeable, but nothing to be concerned about. I had encountered larger waves before. The grey morning sky provided just enough light for me to see the ground as I stepped out from behind the rocks. I avoided the wet strands of seaweed that coated the pebbles and sand, keeping my gaze fixed downward as I ran forward and plunged into the incoming waves.
The cold saltwater enveloped my entire body, invigorating my senses. I had been half-asleep dragging myself up the beach that morning, but now I was fully awake. I broke the surface for air before diving down again, swimming past the point where the waves reached their peak. The water was calmer and much deeper there, so I floated on my back and looked up at the dim sky.
I willed my mind to relax, my anxiety to fade. Being away from Southcliff Manor had been wracking me with guilt. I had never left Margaret to the care of my staff for so long. While I trusted them completely, I still worried that she would wonder if I had abandoned her. It would not be the first time someone had done that.
I closed my eyes, letting the water spill over my ears and temples, all the way up to the edges of my eyes. Margaret wasn’t my only worry. There was the news of my fortune circulating, which could very well spread beyond Brighton. Even my harsh words to Miss Kellaway had been haunting me—and the look of hurt that had flashed in her eyes. I could have been kinder in my rejection, but I had panicked. I hadn’t behaved honorably at all.
I dropped my head beneath the surface of the water, letting it catch my hair and pull it away from my forehead before lifting my head back out of the water.
And then another head burst out of the water.
I jerked backward. My first instinct was that a large fish had broken the surface, perhaps to swallow me up. But it was a person. A woman. Her features came into view, wild with shock.
It was Miss Kellaway.
