I nodded, leaning into her touch as she brushed her fingers through my hair. “She doesn’t need me,” I mumbled.
Mama was quiet for several seconds. “Have you considered that you might just be the only person who loves her?”
I met her gaze with a frown.
“You know how her mother treats her,” Mama continued. “Her father is gambling and drinking most of the time. She and her sister are so different…they behave as strangers—in public, at least. I truly believe that Charlotte has taken you for granted. I don’t think she understands what it means to love and be loved. She envies you. You have parents who love you, brothers, grandparents, and friends.” Mama’s voice softened. “Perhapsshe is even afraid of losing you to a man who will take you away from her.”
Her words struck my heart hard. I sat back on my pillows as I tried to absorb her meaning.
“That does not make anything she has done fair or acceptable.” Mama took a deep breath. “In my opinion, you have both misbehaved, but she is more at fault than you.”
I knew she was referring to my behavior at the ball, and I wholeheartedly agreed.
“She has expressed just now that she does wish to leave Brighton,” Mama said.
I nodded, but my stomach pooled with dread. It was for the best that we be separated for now. We both had much to think about, and much to forgive. The fact that Charlotte had surrendered her place in Brighton told me that my words had indeed strung. She was not as unaffected as she liked to appear.
“As her chaperone, I will accompany her back home this afternoon,” Mama said. “Edmund has agreed to remain here in Brighton with you, but you won’t be able to attend any events until I return in two days’ time.”
“Of course.” I sighed. “I’m sorry, Mama. I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks.
Mama wiped them away with her fingertips. “You did care for Mr. Croft. I could see it. You were beginning to like him.”
I nodded. It felt like a confession to a deep secret, but it made my heart feel lighter. “I was. A great deal, actually.” I sniffed again. “That rarely happens.”
Mama gave a soft smile. “It will happen again. The right man will claim you. He will choose you. You will not have to chase him or compete for his attention, I promise. You’ll see.” She kissed my cheek and squeezed both my hands. “You, my dear girl, deserve to be loved in the most special, beautiful way.”
A spark of hope touched my heart, and I smiled through my tears. Warm gratitude flooded my chest for my mother and her hugs and comforting words, but it was followed by a twinge of pity.
Charlotte had never had a mother like mine.
How different…or crueler…would I be without Mama’s guidance and love?
I didn’t dare imagine.
I fell asleep with head on the windowsill. My lashes fluttered, my vision turning grey behind my eyelids. When my eyes finally opened, I saw the faintest shreds of moonlight sparkling on the surface of the sea. The Royal Pavilion was golden, with its onion-shaped domes, minarets, and scalloped arches.
I had nearly forgotten that I was in Brighton.
And that now I was in Brighton without Charlotte.
I had thought it best to stay in my room all day until she was gone. There would be no need for parting words—our emotions were still too fresh. Eventually, we could speak again, but for now…I had no doubt we would only argue.
My head still pounded, so I rubbed a circle on my forehead. Dawn was close to breaking, the moon still glowing faintly in the sky. The lack of light helped ease the pain in my head, but daylight would come soon enough. My stomach growled, reminding me that I had left the tray Eliza had brought to my room the night before completely untouched.
I felt slightly better now, so I crossed the room and took a few bites of stale bread. It did little to cushion the dread that spiraled down through my stomach. I had been looking forward to my trip to Brighton for months, and now, it felt…broken. Ruined.Edmund didn’t even want to be here. At the moment, neither did I.
I couldn’t banish the image of Mr. Croft’s harsh expression from my mind when he had turned to face me on his horse. I felt so pathetic, sosillyfor following him at all.
It didn’t matter. He was free of me now. He would not have to see my face at any events for the next two days at the very least, perhaps longer. There was nothing more I wished to do in Brighton anyway.
Well, there was still one thing.
I peeked out the window again. The moon was fading into the sky like a watercolor splotch. The sun would rise soon…and my secluded beach might not still be so secluded.
This could be my chance for a solitary swim.
My heart hammered in my chest. If there was anything that might untether my emotions from me, it was the sea. Surely the famous Brighton waters could heal me of anything—even a wounded heart. I shot up to my feet, a wild determination growing inside me. I hadn’t slept well the night before, so perhaps my judgment was lacking, but this could very well be my only opportunity. With Mama absent, I could easily sneak back to the house with Eliza, even if I was soaking wet. Anyone who saw me pass would assume I had been in the water with the dippers and bathing machines, which was perfectly acceptable behavior for a lady like myself.
