“Jake, it’s me, Katie.” She pushed her spine against the headboard and instinctively huddled into a ball.
“Katie, God sis, are you doing okay?” Closing her eyes, she let her brother’s voice wrap around her.
“Yeah, I-I just had a rough time… and I’m s-sorry, Jake, sorry for not telling you.”
“It’s okay now, honey, everything is going to be all right. Cubby will bring you home and we’ll work through this together.”
“I don’t want to come home yet, not like this.”
Katie hadn’t known she was crying until Cubby handed her a tissue.
“I’m… I’m not the Katie who left, Jake.” The bed dipped as Cubby sat on the edge, close to her hip. Moving over to give him room, she gave herself some too. Cubby had always been her kryptonite.
“Do you remember how broken I was, Katie, when I came back from Iraq?” Jake’s deep voice was gentle. “I remember when I saw you, Katie, I thought I’d let you down in some way, because I wasn’t returning to Howling the big brother who left you.”
“I remember,” Katie whispered. Her brother had been haunted when she’d first seen him. Broken on the inside, but hiding it behind a don’t-mess-with-me attitude.
“Did you think like that, Katie, that I wasn’t the same man who’d left Howling?”
“No, I remember thinking there’s my beautiful big brother, home where I can look after him, where I can help him heal.”
The line went quiet, and she could hear Jake swallowing.
“Did you think it would be any different for me, sis? Did you think I wouldn’t want to hold you; help you heal like you did me?”
“J-Jake.” Katie was sobbing now. “I-I wanted t-to come, I did, but so much in me has changed, and not l-like I’d planned, and then I couldn’t seem to find my way home.”
“I know, baby, but Cubby will lead you, okay? You have to let him.”
She listened while her brother talked. She heard Rose crying in the background, then Branna came on the line and talked to her. The soft Irish burr of her sister-in-law made her smile as she told her how much she loved Katie, and wanted her to come home, then made her laugh when she said they needed a babysitter for her niece. She handed the phone to Cubby when Jake asked to speak with him, then climbed off the bed and headed for the shower, where she had a good cry and decided it would be her last. She hadn’t cried in years; not after her first murder, not after seeing kids and women beaten. She’d hardened, and then Cubby had arrived.
After a shower she strapped on her brace, then slipped into her robe and cleaned her teeth. She headed for the kitchen, where she drank two glasses of water before putting on a fresh pot of coffee. Looking around the apartment, she saw the mess with fresh eyes. Cubby had removed the trash, but there was still mess wherever she looked. God, what had happened to her? She was normally so organized and neat. What did he think of her? Filled with self-loathing, she headed for the bedroom to get dressed. Then she’d clean up.
Cubby was still talking, now lying on her bed. Katie felt his eyes on her as she collected her clothes. Her room was feminine, with a pale pink bedcover and soft girly furnishings. Cubby should look out of place, but if anything he looked more masculine. His hair was damp, and he wore a faded gray sweatshirt, worn jeans, and black socks.
“All right, I’ll let you know what day we’re leaving, Jake. Yeah, you too. Later.”
“You want to leave so I can dress now?” Katie made herself look into Cubby’s eyes when he’d finished the call. He’d seen her drunk, she’d cried all over him, and now felt ashamed all over again remembering her performance in the cab on the way home from the bar, after she’d tried to hit him.
God, the humiliation.
“Sure.” He got off the bed. “And then we can head into your work and sort out stuff there so I can book us some flights home.”
“I can sort that out. You head back to Howling and I’ll follow, Cubby. Really,” Katie added. “I’ll come, I told Jake I would, but I need to do a few things first.”
“I still have a few things to do over the next day or two, then we can leave. It’s nicer to travel with someone, especially seeing as you’re injured.” His eyes were steady. He looked genuine, but she’d learned that trick too, how to keep your expression clear of what you were really thinking.
“I don’t need you to stay.” She tried not to grit her teeth. “Thanks though, but I can look after myself.”
“Sure you can, but I can’t, so you can take care of me till we get home,” he said, coming toward her. “Big city like this, I could get lost. Then how bad would you feel.”
“You trained in California!” Katie hadn’t meant to yell, but he was just pissing her off. Messing with her. As she was all over the place lately, it didn’t take much to set her off, and he’d always had the knack. “Just go, Cubby.”
“No. I promised your brother I’d see you home safe, and I don’t break my promises, especially not to him.” He gave her a smile, the one that showed off his white teeth in his tanned face, then left, and Katie only just managed not to throw something at her door. She needed to get control of herself. This irrational person she’d become was not her. She couldn’t let him get under her skin again. She wasn’t in love with him anymore; in fact, she was fairly sure she didn’t even like him at all right now!
“Get a grip,” she muttered, pulling on her clothes.
Her jeans were clean but a snug fit, and she managed to wriggle into them with a series of maneuvers that didn’t include using her injured wrist. She chose a cotton sweater in rose pink because it wouldn’t be too hot if the day heated up, and thankfully didn’t look wrinkled. Slipping her feet into sneakers, she looked in the mirror.
