“What if I scent match him?” My voice is so low that it’s a shock Drew can hear me.
“If, on the very slim chance you scent match with Paul, we’ll figure out what we can do to keep you safe and healthy, Ariana. I know you don’t know me from Adam, but I promise I have your best interests at heart here.”
“You have the show’s best interests at heart.” I’m pissed, but I take another step forward.
Walking into a world where my brother isn’t breathing anymore feels like peeling off a layer of my skin.
I’ll survive, but at what cost?
“You need to be here, Ariana. I cannot tell you anything more than that, just that I know you need to do the show.”
Drew has said something like that a few times, implying that it’s important for me to come onKnot What You Expected, and I don’t get the vibe that it’s about ratings.
I take another step forward.
Sax used to get so disappointed when I didn’t go out. Maybe disappointed is the wrong word. He wanted more for me than a life behind doors. He told me that the world deserved to see my sunlight.
I told him I was a storm cloud the world didn’t ask for.
One day, he stopped asking me whether I was goingout that day. After a while, even the Omega-only hours at coffee shops and grocery stores were too much.
But why would I need to leave my house?
The internet is incredible; I can have everything I need delivered and still attend my therapy appointments with Dr. Frank on video call.
Of course, he also says I need to leave my house, but what does he know?
Okay, so he knows a lot. But that doesn’t mean he’s right. Maybe if I were truly unable and afraid to go outside, he would be, but that’s not it.
I’m not afraid. I know the world isn’t out to get me. It’s just anxiety. I could leave if I wanted to.
But I don’t want to.
Because I know that if I go outside, I could run into an Alpha.
And that Alpha could be my scent match.
And then if something happens to that Alpha, I could get Foresaken Omega Syndrome.
And I’d die.
And my parents would lose their only living child.
Really, I’ve been locking myself up in my home for my parents’ sake.
It’s easier to stay inside where it’s safe, where I don’t have to worry about the potential of death just because my biology is wired to need an Alpha.
So it’s not that I’m afraid to leave my house. The situation is far more nuanced than that, and Dr. Frank understands.
Most of the time.
I take another step.
I haven’t been this far away from my front door in three years, when I had a delivery driver leave my groceries at the end of my driveway instead of on the stoop. It wasshitty, and it took me two hours to get them, but I managed.
It’s how I know I can leave my house if I want to.
Baby, sometimes a step can feel like a mile, and it’s okay if it takes you some time to take them.
