She swings her head toward Derrick. “That’s when you stopped texting, right? Freshman year of college.” I guess it’s impossible to pretend like we have no history together, especially not the two of them. He had Onion to himself for two years before he met Grant, and they had her for a year before I came into the picture.
Seven years.
I’ve known her for seven years, and she just learned my name.
Their relationship is going to be the hardest to repair,because not only is he the face of our deception, but he’s the one she fell in love with first. I fully believe she will realize she loves Grant and me, but it may take her a little longer.
“It felt wrong to continue talking to you like we were, when I was with Grant. Dishonest. But I missed you too much, and he encouraged me to get back in touch with you.”
“Dishonest.” The word echoes around us. “Right. Dishonest. Because you caresomuch about honesty.” She pushes her coffee cup away and stands. “I’m glad you respect him more than you respect me.”
“Wait. That’s not-”
But she’s gone before he can justify himself.
He slams his fist on the table. “Fuck! Fucking fuck.” His face is lined with frustration and disappointment. This won’t be our only setback, I know that, and what he needs right now is to know that all hope isn’t lost.
“We’re going to trip up. We have to keep being honest with her. It’s all we can do.”
Grant places his hand on Derrick’s arm to settle him. “She’s not wrong, though. You were honest with me, and had the chance to do the same with her, and didn’t take it. You’re not the only one at fault. We all agreed to do it and fed into the lie. But she’s right to be upset about it. In a way, it makes the lie she was told worse. I bet it makes her feel like she’s not on the same level as me. Like you care about me more.”
“That’s ridiculous. It’s different, but no less.”
“Don’t tell me that!” Grant points at the room Ariana disappeared into. “Go tell her. I’m not the one you need to convince.”
I clap my packmate on the back. “He’s right, man. I think you two need to clear the air before we moveforward. I thought we could start over, but I don’t think that’s gonna work, at least not with you two. There is too much history and hurt there.” I clear everyone’s cups before grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. “Bring her this. Clear the air.”
Chapter Fifteen
I wasseventeen when I fell in love for the first time.
It wasn’t “teenage love”, even though we were teenagers.
And even if it were just teenage love, is there anything wrong with that?
The media tries to downplay the way teenagers feel for one another, as if the kind of hurt that results from it doesn’t matter. At that age, emotions are cranked up to eleven, so when it falls apart, it feels like your life is ruined.
I was seventeen when I fell in love with words on a screen. Onion. I knew her as a screen name. Someone I argued with on public forums until we brought it to private messages, where the arguing gave way to meaningful conversation.
Which then became texting.
Phone calls.
Video calls.
Every piece of Onion I got made me crave her even more. There was no limit to my affection for her.
I presented as an Alpha a few months after her brotherdied. She was still deep in her grief, and I truly believed that her fear and anger toward Alphas would lessen as time went on. It felt, at the time, that it was the right call to lie to her about it.
It wasn’t supposed to be forever, just until she had healed enough for the truth of my designation not to sting as much.
I didn’t want her to cut me out of her life. I loved her, and she needed me. She couldn’t talk to her parents. They were grieving as well, and she refused to burden them.
Sometimes, it’s easier to spill your guts out onto a keyboard than it is to hold someone’s hand and flay yourself open. And when you’re already held together with tape, it feels impossible to allow yourself that sort of vulnerability.
I wanted nothing more than to hold her every time she cried.
But I couldn’t.
