“And stop hiding your face,” she added, a bit annoyed. “It’s okay for the baby to see you cry. Crying is normal, for goodness’ sake.”
“Wait—you-you think I’mright?”
“Of course you’re right. I mean, it’s very noble of Adam. But what you really need to do is to go after that unjust assessment.”
My mom sat down next to me and rubbed my back while I regrouped. Of course, I needed to fight Ms. Nelson, who was a real pill. Whywouldn’tI defend myself—as well as try to prevent this from happening to others whom she prejudged with her own prejudices? Finally, Rosie batted at my head, and we both burst out laughing.
Finally, I got the courage to really talk with my mom. “I’m sorry thatI haven’t been the daughter you’ve wanted. I’ve brought all this turmoil into our lives.”
“Oh, Ani.” She grasped her chest, a move not unlike one I tended to use when I was really emotional. “You’re so much more than the daughter I wanted.” She grabbed my hand.
Wait, what?
“Granted, it is sometimes difficult to watch you plunge headfirst into projects. And granted, I always disliked Tyler. That was a hard one. But you became adoctor. You opened your heart to give this beautiful baby a terrific life. And Adam…well, he’s special.”
“You didn’t put me on that plane because you were embarrassed by me?”
She heaved a sigh as Rosie now tried to swat at Arnold with Mr. Cow. Except then Arnold grabbed Mr. Cow in his teeth. Rosie laughed. And then I intervened by reaching over, prying it out of his teeth, wiping the dog spit off on my pants, and handing it right back to her. Desperate times. I wasn’t sure if she was old enough to miss Mr. Cow if he got eaten, but I wasn’t going to take the risk.
“I think at that point, none of us knew what we were doing,” my mom said. “I realize now that being alone after what happened was a terrible decision, and I am sorry. I was just trying to get you away from all that wedding wreckage. But look what happened. You met the love of your life.”
“I do love him, Mom. But I’m not sure he can get all the way there. Maybe he’s still grieving?—"
She stopped me with a hand on my arm. “You’ve always known what you wanted. Not everyone gets to that point at the same time. Some people take the bus; some take the high-speed train. But people do get there eventually.”
We sat there like that for a minute, all of us, the baby half on her lap, half on mine, until she got wiggly and bored.
“I have an idea,” my mom said, scooping Rosie up.
“What is it?”
“Get letters of support from everyone you know and turn them into the head of Children’s Services. Literally flood the agency with high praise from people who know what a wonderful person and capable mother you are.” She pulled out her phone. “I’m the president of the hospital board. I’ll write you one.” She squeezed my hand. “You’re very extraordinary. I’m so proud to be your mother.”
“I love you, Mom. You’re so kickass.” I squeezed her hand right back.
“I know. And the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
Chapter Twenty
Adam
“Dr. Lowenstein, you’ve got a patient in Bay 2,” Angie said from my doorway. “A seventy-six-year-old woman who fell while walking her dog and can’t bear weight.”
I was sitting at my desk, tapping Liv’s Turks and Caicos postcard against my fingers, thinking about how my time with Ani had begun. How she’d pulled me in like a hurricane. I’d lost my balance, my head. My heart. It had been easy to go along on a wild ride with her, stamping out fires, helping when I could. But this wasn’t an adventure game. This was reality, our life—and Rosie’s life. For any normal man, it would be justifiable to be cautious, wouldn’t it? Ani was a whirlwind, and I wasn’t. Was that a crime?
But if it wasn’t, why did I feel so bad? Why did I miss Ani, miss Rosie, and regret how I’d ruined the life we’d been building? What had I been I so afraid of?
I looked up and smiled at Angie. “Okay, thanks. I’ll be right there.” I thought of Mrs. McClellan, who’d been afraid of exactly that same thing, falling with a big dog, and how maybe I’d been alittle judgy. Ani and I had relieved her of the worry, as evidenced by our big hairy family member who’d happily entrenched himself into our lives to the point of cockiness, as evidenced by his propensity to think that our bed was his too.
I found myself smiling.
Our family.Until I realized there was noourbecause I’d screwed everything up. And believe me, I was feeling the effects of my stupidity. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t do anything but work, and that only because I kept my head down and forged through a sea of difficulties, counting the minutes until the end of each shift.
As for the postcard, I guess I’d been asking Liv what she thought of all this. But I wasn’t getting any answers. So I slipped it into my white coat pocket and went to do my job.
I rolled back the curtain of one of the acute patient bays to find an elderly couple. The man sat in a chair. He had close-cut, white hair and was dressed sharply in a white button-down shirt, black pants, and a black suit coat with a bright red pressed handkerchief sticking out of the pocket. He sat straight as an arrow, holding a polished wooden cane.
In his other hand, he held the thin, veined hand of a woman lying on a stretcher. When she saw me, she hid a grimace with a weak attempt at a smile. Despite her look of frailty, she wore a Nike quarter-zip and running pants with a stripe down the side. The rubber-bottomed soles of her bright white sneakers poked out through the ER blanket.
