Ani was driven by some superpower that most humans didn’t have. And I was in awe of it.
“You met this woman on a plane?” my mom asked.
I slowly nodded. “She’d just put a stop her wedding, and she somehow ended up on the plane alone for her honeymoon trip.”
“Her parents are powerful donors,” my mom said. “And I’ve heard people talk about that wedding. The expense. The catastrophe. Sounds like the parents didn’t take the embarrassment well. But I won’t judge them.”
I barely heard her as I tapped a pen on the counter, trying to think. Who was powerful enough and might help Ani get credentialed or make an exception? As head of the ER, I had connections too. But not ones like the tiny but mighty woman in front of me.
“I see that doe-eyed expression,” my mother said. “I know you want to help her. How badly?”
She was asking me—okay, forcing me—to take a stand. To beseech her to intervene on Ani’s behalf.
I was doe-eyed?
“I mean, she was a wreck.” I continued telling the story. I just wasn’t sure how much I wanted to tell. “And all alone. I checked on her and made sure she ate and we—we spent some time together.” And that was all I was going to say. Period.
My mom lifted a questioning brow but didn’t ask anything more. “She’s obviously sincere. But is she impulsive?”
“She’s bighearted. Helen Rubenstein, the senior partner in her group, speaks very highly of her. Says she’s well trained. Has great leadership qualities. The other night when she was working with me, she was nervous about delivering the baby by herself, but she did a great job.” My mind wandered off. “She likes dogs. She brings medical journals and romance novels with her to work. She hates Bloody Marys. She?—”
“Oh, Adam.” My mom was shaking her head. “I don’t need the dating-app version.” She assessed me carefully. “You slept with her, didn’t you?”
That was the thing about having a social worker mom. She never hesitated to talk to me openly about birth control, about sex. About anything. I was certain the color of my face answered her question, so I moved on. “I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t afraid to consider a huge, life-changing possibility like this. Most medical staff would simply be happy thatyoushowed up to take the responsibility for this baby’s future. You understand what I’m saying?”
She reached over and put her hand over mine so that I stopped tapping the pen. “I haven’t seen you this invested in anything for a long time.” She got a little teary, from relief or from worry, I wasn’t sure.
“If you’re asking me if we’re romantically involved, I would say I’m one hundred percent not looking for a serious relationship. And I’m definitely not looking to be a sudden parent.”
“If she gets the baby, what happens? Do you want to date her? Are you open to the possibility of dating someone with a newborn?”
I sat forward and tented my fingers together. “I’m not sure I can even bear being around a baby, to be honest. I’m just—not ready. Not for a baby. And not for a real relationship.” I glanced up at my mom. “I’ve told her that—about the relationship.”
She sighed. “Yet you think she should have the baby.”
I knew what my mother was doing. She was weighing how important Ani was to me. Because my mother would do anything to help me start living my life again.
And that’s what I was afraid of. Because, like Ani, my mother had superpowers too. She’d been a single mom raising me since after my dad took off when I was one. And much like Ani, she never hesitated to step in when there was a need.
“I know what you’re thinking,” I said. “It’s too much. You’re literally a day from retirement.”
Now my mother crossed her arms. “Do you want her to have the baby, yes or no?”
My mom had fostered several babies when I was in college. But she’d said she’d never do it again because letting go tore out her heart.
“This isn’t fair to you. I could help, but I couldn’t handle being hands-on with the baby.” I looked at my mother. “I’m being honest. There’s got to be another way to do this.”
“Well, I appreciate knowing your feelings,” she said. “But what’s the answer?”
Honestly, I hadn’t made many choices about anything these past two years, except to take the Oak Bluff job and buy the only affordable house on the market.
She was still waiting for my answer. “Okay, fine. Yes, I want her to have the baby.” Suddenly, something unfastened inside of me. I couldn’t really describe it, except to say that it was like thefeeling when you unloosen your shoes at the end of a long day. Put sweatpants on. Or the moment at night when your head hits the pillow, and you finally let go of the day. Ani would be a great mother for this baby. I knew it.
Strange, because I’d just created a boatload of complications for my mother, not to mention for myself. I vowed to help however I could.
“Then what are you still sitting there for?” My mother gave me an Are-you-sure-you’re-smart-enough-to-be-a-doctor? look. “Go get her.”
Ani
