Part of me hates that Sebastian is wasting his time with me when he could be living it up with his gaming buddies and hitting up parties with Tristan and Webber.
“He’s already having a hard time. Add on that my mom has him going to see her lawyer afterwards to deal with legal shit, and it’s going to have him wanting to shut down. He’s going to need you there, both of us, to help him get through it,” Sebastian explains.
“I’m not so sure about that.” From what I saw the night I went to his mom’s house, he seemingly had himself under control. Yeah, he didn’t want to see me, and his tone was callous, his eyes jarring, but did he appear two seconds away from breaking into a tiny million pieces?
“Your lack of trust in me is insulting,” Sebastian cracks, dousing out the tension with a teasing tone. My shoulders sag in relief that only one of us is freaking the hell out.
“I’m sorry.” I bring my hands to my face, pressing my fingers into my cheeks, careful not to smudge the little bit of makeup I have on. “It’s just that…I have a hard time believing that he’s suddenly going to be okay with me around.” My stomach swoops with the fright of a big, scary monster being under the bed. Standing this close to mine, it really does almost feel like one is about to reach out and take me. It certainly would save me fromwhat I’m about to walk into. “Do I need to remind you of how he reacted?”
“Yeah, and if you ask me, he’s a dumb shit for even thinking about pushing you away, but he’s going through his worst days, Vi. Something bigger than either of us, and it’s going to take him a minute to walk through it.” Sebastian’s voice is usually so upbeat that it nearly knocks me back a step when it trembles. “Don’t give up just because the going is a little tough. Stick it out with him.For him.He’s worth the fight.”
The awful part is that I know that. I know Colson is worth it. I know that I care so deeply for him that I’d do anything to help him through what’s been tossed in his lap. What’s difficult is that I don’t want to step on his toes. I don’t want him to think of me as less than he already does. I don’t want to risk pushing him so far away that when this is all said and done, when he’s recovering from the impact, he’s still too far away to grasp my hand for me to help him to his feet.
“You know how much I care about him, Sebastian.”
“I know.” He drops his hand and squeezes mine once before tucking his hands into his pockets. He grabs another small bag of chocolate candies out of his pocket and tears it open. This isn’t the first time I’ve gotten hints of his obsession with the sweet treat, but it is the first time I’m noticing that he’s falling back on it to help him get through his stress.
I watch as he dumps them out in his hand again and eats all of them at once.
My brow arches at him, and I let out a breath. “I’m sorry I’m making this all about me when you’re going through it, too. Areyouokay? It can’t be easy seeing him hurting as deeply as he is. Or your mom.”
He cracks an easy grin as he chews with a closed mouth, the corner of his lips tugging upward and shooing away the frown that was there a minute ago. “The great thing about thingsstinking like shit is that everything else smells a helluva lot better in comparison. Today will suck, but it’ll be the beginning of their journey to healing.”
I can’t help it. I shove his shoulder softly.
“I can’t believe I’ve known you for over two years and have never truly realized how much of a softie you are.”
He rolls his eyes and crumbles his second empty M&M wrapper into his pocket. “It’s not a big deal to care about people,” he mumbles around a mouthful of candy.
He’s right. It’s not, which is why I brush my hair off my shoulder and tell him I’m ready to go.
Sebastian parkshis Aviator in the cemetery parking lot. As he shuts off his car, I notice the two other black SUVs that belong to his family. Tombstones of varying sizes and shapes outline the area, putting a nastier chill in my bones than the lower December temperatures. In the field up ahead, there are a few chairs next to a raised casket. Sebastian’s parents and Colson are already seated and waiting.
I glance over at Sebastian. “Are we late?”
“Nah, they’re early.”
“Are your parents expecting me? Is Colson going to be the only one blindsided?”
“They know.” He pulls the latch to open his door. “And one day he’ll be thankful as fuck that you blindsided him. Let’s go.”
I hop out of the car and smooth my dress down. My black peacoat keeps me warm as we cross the lot and descend onto the field. I’m careful where I walk, not wanting to disrespect graves.The closer I get to my ex, the harder my heart thrashes in my chest.
The way I see it, I’m walking into what could very well be a war zone.
Sebastian clears his throat to voice our arrival. His parents look up and notice him. His mom gets out of her chair and envelops him in a hug. I hear the quiet, “Hi, Mom,” he gives her and shift my focus to the ground.
Colson is in my peripheral, sitting in that damn chair like a statue. His gaze is set forward. Most likely on the cherry-colored casket, and his body hitches forward at the waist, his elbows on his thighs. His chin rests on his hands, and all I imagine is walking over, squatting to my knees, and looking deep into his blue eyes. They’d tell me how he’s really doing.
I rally some semblance of self-control as I watch Bess pull away from her son and come for me next. There’s a sorrowful smile playing on her lips, making her look more put together than she did the night at the hospital. It must be eating her up that things are the way they are. She lost her little sister, and her nephew isn’t doing so well.
Her worry and stress present themselves under her eyes, in the shadowing that sits below her lush lashes. She murmurs into my ear. “Violet. I’m so happy you could make it.”
I move my hands to her back and squeeze gently. “I’m so sorry for your loss, Bess. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” And I mean that, despite my logic telling me to back away and leave.
“I’m so glad Colson has someone like you.” She says it so quietly that I barely hear it. I’m not sure if it’s done out of respect for where we are or so he doesn’t hear. Does she know that he’s broken it off with me?
She pulls away, and I look at her. “If there’s anything you ever need, please let me know.”
