I swallow at the bulge in my throat, ignoring the way my stomach wants to upchuck the alcohol I drank last night. The nausea just won’t quit.
“What do you need from me to get it transferred?”
“We have an appointment with my lawyer after the burial tomorrow. He’ll go over all the details with you, and you’ll sign the paperwork, but you’ll need your social security card and birth certificate to prove your identity as Janie’s son.”
“I only have my social security card.” I carry it around in my wallet even though it’s heavily frowned upon. I didn't trust that I’d get it back if Mom held onto it. Or that I would remember where I put it if I hid it.
She takes in the house around us. The dingy carpet. The yellowed walls. “What’s the likelihood that she has your birth certificate stowed away in this house somewhere?”
My teeth cut into my bottom lip. “Your guess is as good as mine, but I’ll look around. If I can’t find it?”
She pats my back. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Pointless to worry about what hasn’t happened yet.” Her gentle hand hooks over my shoulder and rests there. “I won’t bother you any longer. I’m sure you’re enjoying your space, but if you need anything…”
…you know I’m here,I finish for her in my head.
I watch as she walks out the door and closes it behind her. I inhale a steadying breath, hoping to tamp down the urge to vomit. I find myself in the bathroom with my head in the toilet a minute later.
TWELVE
VIOLET
“I don’t thinkthis is a good idea.”
Sebastian leans against the doorframe in his funeral attire, looking every bit of nonchalant while I freak out. He has a mini bag of M&M’s in his hand—the kind little kids get at Halloween—and empties the rounded candies into his palm, dumping most of them into his mouth a second later.
It reminds me of the obsession Olive and I have with Sour Patch Kids, the memory highly welcome since it’s been a few days since I’ve talked to her. I make a mental note to text her later when I’m not so distracted that it feels as if my head might burst if I add one more thought into the mix.
“Maybe. Maybe not. But what’s he going to do when you show up? Kick you off cemetery grounds like he owns them?”
I tug my black pantyhose up my legs. Sebastian kindly puts a hand over his eyes when I have to shimmy them up under my dress. I should’ve put them on first, but again, I’m so overwhelmed that even executing getting dressed in the proper order proves difficult.
“Colson broke up with me. Made it very clear that he doesn’t want to see me. I shouldn’t be showing up at his mother’s funeral like we never parted, like I knew her, like…” I’m at a loss forwords and so tangled in my emotions that I don’t know what else to say to convince Sebastian that I should stay home.
He dusts his hands off before moving into my room. He showed up fifteen minutes ago, as he promised he would yesterday, and has been keeping me company while I finish getting ready. I thought I wouldn’t mind him being here before heading out, but it’s making this all seem a lot more intense.
Like I’m about to make a huge mistake.
I saw the way Colson looked at me the other night.
Understood it clearly when he told me we were done, and I hobbled to my car. If I have one thing going for me, it’s that my ankle is feeling a lot better. But the rest of me?
He’s going to freak if I trek up to his mom’s burial ceremony after what happened the last time I saw him. My heart and ego still ache any time I muster up the courage to think about how he left me hanging that night. How he watched me make it to my car in a series of limps. How he stood there and watched me drive out of his life like it wasn’t worth calling me back to stay.
Sebastian knows that I showed up at his house. What he doesn’t know is how many times I’ve visualized his cousin running after my car, yelling for me to stop, just so he could tell me what a huge mistake he was making.
Sebastian presses his hand gently against my arm. I look up into his eyes, and I’m so glad to have a friend like him. Sylvia and Tristan are too busy with Fletcher and Nelson to care about anyone else. And there’s no way I’m falling back on Webber to get me through. Space is the best thing for us. Which circles me back around to Everleigh, who’s trying her best to offer support after going through her own break up, and Sebastian.
“He’s going to flip shit when he sees me,” I tell him, bringing my thoughts back to the present.
“No, he won’t.”
He sounds so sure of himself. As if he and Colson are the same person, and he can guarantee that he won’t take one good look at me and tell me to leave.
“He’ll be too distracted over what’s going on. Sure, he might see you and wonder, but he’s not going to kick you off of Willow Creek Cemetery property. He doesn’t have the authority to do that.”
I scoff. “We hope.”
“Iknow.”
