My heart beats in quick succession as the memory fades, and it takes all that I have to let go of my phone and set it back on the nightstand. I’ve been finding myself looking back at ourmessages a lot lately. It makes me feel close to him, but at this point, it’s just self-inflicted torture more than anything.
I can’t take it anymore and get out of bed. I pad my way out of the room and into the bathroom across the hall. I twist the water on, watching as it sloshes over the bottom of the tub and starts collecting, but then images of my accidental meet-cute with Colson rush into my mind, and I turn the water off.
I comb my fingers through my hair and decide brushing my teeth is a better bet. I quickly get myself together then decide if I’m ever going to get him out of my head, I need to do something different. Something he hasn’t embedded himself into.
I grab a pair of leggings and a loose top from my clean clothes in the dryer. It’s easy to slip into them along with my sneakers, and then I’m out the door and down the elevator.
The second my soles hit the pavement, I start running.
Away from my thoughts.
The love in my heart.
I run so far away from it all that my lungs are nearly ready to explode by the time I loop back around and walk into Spring Meadows’s lobby. I even have a not so wonderful case of boob sweat happening. I ignore both for a cup of water once upstairs and almost jump out of my skin when Olive waltzes in with a bagel in hand.
She takes a bite and props her hip against the counter, her stare unwavering. The kind that I know holds questions and won’t rest until she gets answers. “What’s going on with you?”
I wipe my forehead with the back of my hand. “What do you mean?”
She chews and doesn’t care that her words are muffled when she says, “Don’t play that game with me.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not, and even if you keep telling yourself that, I don’t think you’ll believe it. What happened the other night? No onecould find you and then we were all in the living room when Colson walked down the hallway and left. Side note, really great job picking him because he ishawt.”
I give her a look. “The hot comment is not helping.”
“No?”
“No.”
“Well then, clue me in. Give me all the dirty deets. Something happened between you two, what was it?”
I wish I had dirty details to give her, but I simply don’t. Colson and I refrained from anything physical.
“There aren’t any,” I tell her.
Her brows wrinkle. “How?”
“We didn’t do anything.”
“That wasn’t the walk of shame?”
“Not even close.”
She looks perturbed more than anything until a thought hits her. “Oh, fuck.” Her bagel gets forgotten when she sets it down on the counter and comes over with open arms. “You broke up already, but that night was like the nail in the coffin, wasn’t it?”
I nod, my bottom lip trembling because I can’t hold it in anymore. I’ve been keeping strong this entire time. It was hard for me in the beginning, too, but I was sure he’d eventually change his mind. I’ve always maintained that kind of hope.
Turns out I was just naïve.
I’m a used-up sponge, hanging on until the absolute end of my life expectancy but also knowing that I reached it about two weeks ago. I’ve been submerged, squashed, and strung out to dry just to have the process repeated.
The adrenaline from my run comes to a standstill. My feet slip farther and farther away and my knees give out, my hands splaying to the ground in my mind.
Olive’s arms encase me like twine around a bundle of flowers, unforgiving and tight, holding me together. I lay my head on her shoulder and let it all out.
I’ve wanted to scream, sob, and stomp my way out of the despair, but this is it. It’s staring me in the face, and as much as I want to keep running from it, I can’t.
