ONE
VIOLET
She didn’t make it.
My pulse pounds wildly, and I know, without a doubt, it’s nothing compared to the sledgehammer pulverizing Colson’s heart. I’m squished between him and Sebastian in the back of a sleek SUV that the valet fetched for us when we sprinted out of the fundraiser with his aunt and uncle.
I want to lean into him and offer the reminder that I’m here, but his gaze remains fixed on the scenery on the other side of the window. A blur of trees and buildings and the nudge of life whenever we pass someone walking by.
My heart leaps into the back of my throat as I push my worries aside and reach out to rest my hand on his leg. I’ve never lost someone in my life. As much as I want to be here for him, I’m worried that I’ll mess it up, that I won’t know what to say to make this just a little bit easier.
A breath passes before his gorgeous blue eyes turn to me. It’s when he speaks that I realize the devastation in his gaze doesn’t hold a candle to the destruction evident in his voice.
“She’s been on the brink of overdosing before and has always made it back. You saw how she looked on Thanksgiving. She’s fine.” He declares it more for himself than me. It’s clear he’sturning to denial for comfort, but I hear the doubt underneath it. Even more so when he murmurs, “She has to be.”
She looked as though life was ready to float out of her body and become one with the breeze on the other side of the living room wall that night. I remember how it twisted my insides up, how it made me worry for her well-being enough to momentarily question Colson, only to learn that he was right. Shewasfine.
But that was different.
His uncle wasn’t there saying how she didn’t make it.
I don’t want to remind him of that, but I also know it’s crucial that he doesn’t take this lightly. His mom is gone, and he doesn’t believe it’s true. Getting stuck in a vicious turnaround of denial will only make it worse.
I swallow and my heart drops back down into my chest cavity. “Colson, I?—”
“She could still be okay,” he says in one solid breath. I don’t miss the way his voice wavers at the end of his sentence as he tries to convince us that his mom is still a living, breathing human.
“Right?” Colson’s one-worded question is a whisper on his lips and draws me from my thoughts. It reaches out into the air between us and tries to latch on to the one thing that’s keeping us afloat: hope.
And because I don’t know how to navigate this without crushing him all over again, I ignore the horrible feeling inside of me and offer a tiny nod before repeating his words back to him. “She could still be okay.”
His fingers twine between mine, tightening until there’s no space between our palms. He needs someone, and he wants that someone to be me. Him leaning on me is everything, but I can’t ignore the knot in my stomach that accompanies it. The one that confirms I don’t know what I’m doing. The one that tells me Colson is only delaying the inevitable pain that lies ahead.
He looks back out the window as we merge onto the 401 to cross the Sycamore Memorial Bridge. Sebastian clears his throat on the other side of me, and I reach my other hand out to him, resting my open palm on his knee. He doesn’t think twice before wrapping one hand around it and holding it in his lap.
I meet his gaze, desperate for the usual joy in the depths of his eyes. Sebastian, who’s always in a likable mood with a smile tipping the corner of his lips upward, has apprehension written in the perimeters of his hazel irises. So much that if I were standing, it’d make me waver. Like standing in a moving car that suddenly brakes.
His focus flicks to Colson before it's back on me. Nausea takes over my stomach as I lean my head back onto the headrest.
The denial fueling Colson’s hope will vanish when we get to the hospital. Everything he has ever known will become a series of questions he’ll overanalyze. Answers to things he was never prepared to hear will be voiced. And there’s this grand possibility that I’ll have no idea how to help him out of the grief that will indefinitely consume his soul and try to darken every light corner he’s ever known.
The SUV rollsup to the emergency entrance at Harrison General Hospital. Sebastian thanks the driver and flings the door open. His large body blocks our view of the outside world when he steps out. I take it as an opportunity to scoot back and shift in Colson’s direction.
I run my palm up his cheek, stretching my thumb to smooth the indent between his eyebrows. “I know you want to get in there,” I tell him, swallowing down the sadness that threatensto come up. “But promise me that you’ll remember that you can lean on my shoulder whenever you need it.”
His blue eyes flit to the open door. He wants out of this car as much as I wish I could turn back time and create a second chance for his mom.
I wrap my hand around the back of his neck and pull his face closer until our foreheads are one. He pulls back slightly, flinching at our close proximity, antsy to flee. Like a caged animal being struck by a current of electricity, he can’t get away fast enough.
Fear grips my chest and bubbles inside of me. Fear for so many reasons it’s hard to think straight. Over him breaking down the second we get in there. Over all these feelings zipping through my body. How one palm pressed against his skin exaggerates every single one of them. Over him retreating and turning into the version of himself who tried pushing me away Thanksgiving night.
“Please, Colson.” My eyes fall shut as his warm breath fans out between our faces. “All I’m asking is that whatever we’re about to walk into, you don’t shut me out.”
His hand moves to my side, sliding up the fabric of my dress before moving back down to settle at my waist. He presses a gentle kiss to my mouth, and I hang on for dear life, dragging it out for one more measly second that he cuts in half.
The truth is…I’m worried for him, but I’m worried for me, too. I didn’t expect Colson to come into my life the way he did. I didn’t plan to lean on him as my confidant. Nor was I looking for someone new so soon after ending my relationship with Webber.
Colson fell into my lap, and the connection we share is unlike anything I’ve ever had with anyone else. It’s everything I never knew I needed and more. The thought of him about to walk into a scenario that might bring him to his knees has me terrified over what our future together might look like.
