I feel guilty for even thinking about us and our relationship at a moment like this.
“I know you are,” he breathes out after pulling away from my mouth. His words barely soothe the ache that’s taken over my body.
“Do you?” I murmur as trepidation laces in those two simple words. “Because I’m worried you might forget.”
He blows out a heavy breath, and I back away. His expression softens but does nothing to calm me. His tongue darts out and glides over his bottom lip. “I could never forget about you, Vi.”
I run a hand over his suit jacket and nod. “We should get in there then.”
“Yeah, we should.”
I twist, scooting over to where Sebastian has his hand held out for me so I don’t trip over my dress. He helps me out of the vehicle, and I realize I’ve never been more grateful for him in my life than now. For being here. For not batting an eye back at the fundraiser but rather gracefully getting to his feet with that look in his eye that said he’d do anything for those he loves.
The reassuring squeeze he gives my hand before he lets go tells me he’s there for me, too. I offer him a small smile and walk the few steps to the side so I’m not blocking Colson in. Sebastian pats his shoulder and tightens his hold for a breath before slamming the SUV door shut.
Bess and Thad lead us into the emergency department, where they ask the check-in nurse for details about Janie Moore. Colson falls in step beside his aunt and listens intently, his shoulders pushed back and tense.
Bright fluorescent lighting shines down on us and instantly creates a soreness that settles in behind my eyes. The bulbs are almost blinding with the way they cast light over us. The distinct hospital smell that everyone knows but can’t seem to describe fills the air, making it worse. My stomach tightens when thenurse points to the hall beside her desk and asks we wait in one of the family rooms.
“I’ll page her doctor, and he’ll be in to fill you in on the details,” she says, devoid of the overwhelming emotion that consumes us. Then again, she does this on a daily basis, and because I can’t fathom how hard that must be, I give her a pass.
Thad nods and expresses his thanks as he guides his wife in the direction of the hall. Poor Bess. She looks like she saw a ghost. The complete opposite of the lively woman I met at the fundraiser. She’s drawn back, her eyes downcast, as her husband leads the way.
Colson walks with them without glancing back to see if Sebastian and I are following. I try not to take it to heart. This moment isn’t about me, and I can accept that.
The thought of sitting with them while we wait for the doctor to come in and tell us what happened makes my stomach heave with sadness and dread. I want to be back there with them, but I’m not sure I should be. I’m not a Moore or a Rodriguez. What’s the purpose of me sitting in there when I’ve never had a conversation with Janie? Or when it seems like Colson might not need me at all?
I was Colson’s date for the fundraiser, and we might be together, but suddenly, this seems like a situation he and his family should handle together. Alone. Without outsiders. Without a girlfriend who’s on the verge of her own breakdown over a reason entirely separate from the one they’re facing.
I reach out for Sebastian’s forearm. He seems to be the only one who isn’t falling apart at the seams in some way or another. Well, him and his dad, but Thad’s too devoted to Bess to care about himself.
“Sebastian, wait.” I glance at his family who are a good fifteen feet ahead of us.
His hand comes up to my elbow when he stops. Concern washes over his face. “What is it, Violet?”
I shake my head—back and forth, back and forth—like a bobble head. “I don’t…I don’t think I should go back there.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he chides.
My face drops, my gaze settling on his ultra-shiny Armani dress shoes. “I’m serious.”
He steps into my space and tilts my head up so I’m looking at him. The sorrow that came over me back in the car magnifies, and my eyes fill with tears. I hate that I’m not being stronger for Colson. That this all is starting to feel like a lot. That my heart isbreakingfor him and me at the same time.
His eyes dart between mine. “You’ve been there for him more than sheeverfucking has. Youbelongin that room with him for that reason alone.”
“He thinks she’s still alive, Sebastian. He doesn’t know how much his world is about to flip upside down.”
“He’s going to need you there when it does.”
“What if he doesn’t want that? What if I don’t know how to be there? Jesus, I’ve never lost anyone before. How am I supposed to help him through something I’ve never experienced?”
“You don’t need to have lost someone to love a person and take care of them. There’s no one else he wants more than you when vulnerability has him by the balls. Now, we’re going back there, both of us. When that doctor comes in and tells us whatever the fuck he has to say, we’ll listen, and in the moments when Colson falls and can’t get back up, you’ll take one shoulder and I’ll take the other. Together, we’ll hoist his ass back to his feet.”
He has a point.
I blow out a big breath.
Icando this.
