By the time my key turned and the lock gave, my stomach was in my throat.
I eased the door shut, let the knob press into my spine, and breathed around the shape he’d left behind. The proximity to him had been intoxicating. The way he’d stepped between me and Axton; the way he’d handled a gun and left no doubt that his threats weren’t empty words.
He would have pulled the trigger.
I couldn’t shake the image of how his eyes shimmered when I looked back. That weight lived under my skin now, pooling under my collarbones and pulsing through my veins.
Overhead, Barb’s light clicked off.
“Mind your business, Bayou Barb,” I whispered into the empty hall, pushed away from the door, and forced my thoughts into a corner where they couldn’t reach me.
He was still there.
I drifted to the kitchen window, two-fingering the blinds just enough to see the street for the fourth time since I left him on the doorstep.
He stood on the sidewalk outside of my building, his head swiveling back and forth, sometimes up toward where Barb’s light still shone above him. He ran his hands through his hair impatiently a few times.
It seemed we were both wrestling confusion that ran deep enough to feel like it would last an entire trip around the sun.
I should want him gone, and part of me did. I still had a deal with the Devil to uphold, and the consequences of defying him were likely a million times worse than my curiosity. What if I hung from a ceiling fan by anal beads that were too big for eternity? I could see Lucifer being the type of man who would do that.
The other part of me, though… The curious part?
It wanted me to go back down and stay until I had Joe and all of his vigilante intentions figured out.
I’d never had a savior. Men from Luscious don’t save girls; they join the dogpile. The idea of someone holding the line for me felt wrong and warm at the same time, like scalding bathwater I couldn’t decide to sit in or jump out of.
When I looked out the blinds again, he was gone.
“Whatever,” I scoffed dismissively. I crossed to the refrigerator and opened the door to a disappointing array of half empty water bottles and old Chinesetakeout. I grabbed a random bottle, tossed the lid aside, and downed the rest of the stale water.
A deep, grumpy growl sounded from the dark and warmed my cold, dead heart. An abundance of fur jumped onto the counter I leaned on and flicked his tail across my back.
“Hey, Jesus,” I crooned and scratched my Maine coon hellcat between the ears. Lucifer swore he was just a normal cat, but it was incredibly odd the way Jesus showed up on my door a week after we struck the deal. My dead mom was probably so happy that I’d finally found her savior. I wondered if she knew how hairy he was.
His red eyes glowed in the darkness and reminded me of my favorite childhood movie. “Hmm, maybe I should have named you Cheshire rather than Jesus.” His answering meow was less than impressed. “You’re right. It’s just not as fitting as Jesus.”
I gave his head one last gentle pat. Apparently, it was one touch too far.
“Ouch!” I yelped, grabbing the back flab of my arm that had just been assaulted by his demon teeth. Jesus scattered away as I crinkled my water bottle and threw it in his direction. “Fucking lump of violence.”
“Fighting with a cat when you should be fighting for your immortality,”the Devil tsked in my mind. His voice felt like velvet soft lips brushing against the nape of my neck.“Tick-tock, dearest Dany.”
“Get out of my fucking head!” I yelled, sliding my fingers through my hair and ruffling it as if I could physically shake him away from me.
The truth was, I knew I was late. A bigger deadline loomed ahead, and the thought of facing it came with a crushing anxiety that worsened with each passing year. You’d think that would make someone more motivated to get it done. That maybe the threat of Satan’s worst for eternity would make them eager to complete his bargain.
I wasn’t ready yet. I couldn’t face him.
What if I choked? That dumbass at the club looked nothing like him, and yet it didn’t stop the full blown anxiety attack that crept up and punched me in the lady balls when action mattered.
Even more stupid was the fact that if I was honest with myself, I was terrifiedof what happened next. Say I did kill the man who stole my mortality. What then? Was I resigned to this life as a stripper in a shitty club for eternity?
I was a special kind of idiot because instead of being motivated to act or seek the answers I wanted, it only made me feel more paralyzed.
Weak. So fucking weak, Dany.That angry voice of mine growled again.
“I am not weak.” I shook with clenched fists.
