I nodded, but I didn’t want this to play out in the diner. “Let’s go talk.”
I saw Caitlin shoot Aurora a glance before she led me through the kitchen and out to the parking lot in the back.
“You’re not going with me, are you,” Caitlin said before I could speak. Once again, she wasn’t asking.
“I can’t leave my position here,” I said, my heart heavy. “If I go, someone else I love might get hurt. It’s not a risk I can take.”
I expected her to lash out at me, to tell me that I was hurting her, but she nodded, seeming to accept my words as if they were what she’d expected. God, that was worse than her anger. Anger, I could understand. Rage. Grief. They were emotions I was familiar with. But this? I wasn’t sure what to make of it.
Couldn’t she yell or argue with me? Couldn’t she plead with me that we loved each other? Because we did. I knew that in my heart. But it wasn’t enough.
“I’m not surprised,” she said slowly as she sat down on the bench and reached for my hand. “I thought the town would be your pick in the end, and I understand. Really, I do. Your job is too important to who you are as a person. It’s more than a career.”
“I wish it were different, but it can’t be,” I said, bringing her hand to my mouth to press a kiss to her palm. I wanted to change our situation, make it so we could be together, but I couldn’t see a way forward.
Caitlin pressed her head against my shoulder and we sat silently side by side for a minute before she straightened up and gently pulled her hand from my grasp.
“Right. Well, then. I guess there’s nothing left to be done,” she said, her tone forced. “You should know that I’ll be leaving soon. Aurora just hired a senior from Pop High to work the rest of the summer. She can take my place once she’s trained. I’ll be out of your house in a few days.”
“You’re leaving so soon?” I’d thought we’d have the next month together at least. And why was she so calm about it all?
“I’ll let you know about the pregnancy, doctor’s appointments, all that, in case you want to come down to Austin to attend any of them,” she said. I inwardly winced at the idea of driving fifteen hours one way but she didn’t notice. “After the baby is born, we’ll work out some sort of visitation schedule. I want our child to grow up with both of us in their life, but I think it’s best if we’re no longer in a relationship other than as friends.”
I nodded, completely unable to speak. She was leaving me, ending everything between us, taking our child and going, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to change her mind. What hurt more than anything was how understanding she was. She should be upset with me for picking the town over her and our baby. But instead, she seemed accepting.
“You should come back inside and have your lunch,” she suggested after a minute. “You’ve probably got a busy day ahead of you.” There was that damn neutral, accepting tone from her again when I wanted to punch the nearest wall.
“Not hungry,” I said and stalked away. I glanced back once before rounding the corner of the building. She was staring after me, her expression concerned. For me? She shouldn’t be, but she probably was, which made me feel even more angry at not being able to make our situation work.
THIRTY-ONE
BRIAN
By working sixteen-hour days, I got through the remaining time Caitlin lived at my house without falling apart. On the evening she left, I’d helped her load her things into her SUV, just as I’d helped her unload them when she’d come to live with me. She’d given me a hug, told me to take care of myself, and driven off to Austin.
I’d gone back in the house, pounded down three beers, and sat on my back deck until long after darkness fell. I hadn’t even tried to go to bed. Instead, I’d stayed up channel surfing until dawn, slept two hours on the couch, and gone to work. That first day, I’d stayed at work until Sofia had forced me to go home. I’d felt useful at the station. I had a purpose there, and people needed me.
By contrast, my house held too many memories of Caitlin. From the waffle iron that sat on the counter because I couldn’t bring myself to put it away to the smell of the pillowcases and sheets she’d slept on that I’d had yet to wash. My house felt too empty without her. Sleep hadn’t happened that night either, making the following day worse. I’d gotten into the office early, closedthe door, and forced myself to tackle the fresh mountain of paperwork that always seemed to be waiting for me.
When I heard Mack come in, talking loudly about a traffic stop he’d just conducted, I felt irritation surge through me. Hadn’t I taught that kid anything about professional behavior?
“Kilpatrick,” I hollered from the doorway to my office. “We don’t talk about shit. We write a report. Be professional.”
“I was just?—”
“No,” I snapped. “I don’t want to hear anything that starts withI was just. Do your job, do it right, or you’ll be looking for a new field of work.” I retreated into my office and slammed the door shut. Over the next few hours, I heard practically nothing from the outer office. Either they’d all gone home, or they’d learned to conduct themselves in an appropriate manner. I didn’t really give a damn either way.
“Brian, your lunch date’s here.” Sofia cautiously poked her head into my office at noon.
“Who?” I asked, a little part of me hoping that Caitlin had changed her mind and returned to town.
“Amy, your sister-in-law,” Sofia said, speaking slowly. “It’s on your calendar.”
Shit, it was, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. “Yeah, I forgot. Tell her I’m not coming, would you? Too damn much stuff to do.”
“If that’s what you want.” Sofia studied me.
“Why are you questioning me?” I growled. “Go.”
