“Does that change the facts? Does that make it any better?” I roar.
“Yeah, it fuckin’ does! You didn’t let that girl die!” He screams back.
“You didn’t see the look in her eyes, Kal. She might as well be dead,” I tell him. I say it. The lifeless look in her beautiful eyes. I saw the way she looked at me.
“She isn’t your problem, Patch. Not unless you’re makin’ her your problem.”
“What if I am?”
“Then you do it the right way.”
“You want me to claim her ass? Drag her back to the clubhouse and force her to be with me?” I can’t do that. I know I can’t do that. It would kill her. I saw her the night she left. I saw the look in her eyes and the way she couldn’t breathe. She was suffocating there.
“You wanna claim her ass, you do it. The rest will fall into place.”
“Will it? She fuckin’ hates me, Kal.”
“She’s scared, brother. She’s weak right now. She’s vulnerable. She’s confused, hell, I could go on all fuckin’ day about this.”
“And it isn’t gonna stop until I kill every single one of them.”
“That might make you feel better,” he says.
“What does that mean?”
“She isn’t a killer. Will she find some peace knowin’ they’re all dead? Yeah, probably, but that doesn’t change the facts. She’s scared, broken.”
“And I can’t fuckin’ fix her, Kal. I can’t.”
“Maybe she doesn’t need you to. Did you ever think about that?”
“So what? I just leave her the way she is?”
“Maybe that’s for the best. Maybe you just need to walk away and let her handle this on her own.” I don’t like that idea. I don’t like the idea of leaving her alone. I don’t know that I can do that. I feel too much. But what is it I’m feeling? Regret for what I did to her, but what else? Why can’t I let this go, even though she doesn’t want anything to do with me?
“Can we just get the fuck outta here?” I ask him as I take the last drag on my cigarette and flick it to the ground.
“Yeah. Let’s go.” I turn and walk around to the side of the truck, climbing in while Kal does the same.
He starts the truck up, pulls out of the police station parking lot, and heads down the road. I watch out the window in a daze.We have to drive past the apartments on the way back to the clubhouse, and my chest clenches. There’s a real ache there that I can’t stop. I reach up and rub my chest, hoping like hell that it goes away, but it doesn’t. It just lingers there.
We finally make it back to the clubhouse, and before he can even shift into park, I’m out of the truck and heading inside.
The first stop is the bar. One of the girls slides me a beer, but I shake my head. I need more than that. She smiles and pours me up some shots that I quickly take down.
“You’re not drivin’ today,” Kal says as he walks in, pocketing the keys to the truck. I nod my head and take another shot.
“Welcome home, motherfucker,” Bouncer says, slapping a hand on my shoulder.
“Fuck off,” I tell him.
“You good, brother?” he asks. I nod my head and continue my drinking binge. I don’t want to talk anymore. I did enough of that with Kal. I want to lose myself in this bottle of Jack and forget all my problems. I want to drink until the world around me slowly starts to blur. I want to drown my demons for another day.
“You pass out, I’m not carryin’ your ass,” Storm chuckles. I flip him off and grab the bottle in front of me, taking it down as quickly as I can.
I need to feel numb. I don’t want to feel anything else. I don’t want to feel this ache in my chest. I don’t want to think about her. About the good times I had with her. I don’t want to think about the things I said to her. The way I hurt her. Fuck!
“We may have lead,” Binker says peaking my interest. I turn my head, already sloshing with liquor.
