Sebastian was leaning back against my father’s old desk, watching me silently with his one good eye as I knelt on the floor before him.
Neither of us spoke.
We stared at each other, our long, complicated past humming like a live wire between us.
As I took in Seb’s gaunt, scarred features, I found myself choking on painful memories of all the time we’d spent together as kids.
If there was one thing I’d learned while strapped in Luke’s surgical chair, it was that memories could be dangerous.
As much as painful memories could keep us trapped in the dark, happy memories could be just as dangerous in their own way
Happy memories had the power to infect the present with nostalgic promises that a younger version of yourself might have fallen prey to.
The little version of Sebastian I recalled from childhood had always been smiling. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen this adult version of Sebastian really smile.
Sure, he’d smiled at Neurovance, but they were all fake.
Synthetic.
Just as fabricated as the violent memories Luke had sown into my head.
But… the smiles he’d given me as a boy had been real.
I knew they were.
He’d been such a happy kid, with pretty golden curls and bright, sparkling blue eyes that had always been so full of excitement.
He’d seen the beauty in everything, and I’d always admired how creative he was.
He was the type of kid who saw a puddle as an opportunity instead of an obstacle, and I spent many of my early years going along with his harebrained schemes, just to see where his imagination would take us.
Seb hadtrusted a world that would eventually turn him into…this.Thismonsterthat loomed before me.
My chest pinched as I looked up at who he was now, the ghost of that trusting child flashing across my mind’s eye.
“Wanna go play at the pond, Jay? I caught a frog there yesterday.”
“No way!”
“Yes, way! Come see! I bet you can catch an even bigger one if you bring the net your dad got you!”
He’d only been a year older than me, but when he looked at me like that, I felt like I could follow him anywhere, and it would all be okay because he was the one leading the way.
But, as we’d grown older and he’d been permitted to spend less and less time at our house, those smiles had slowly disappeared.
I grew out of childish things like playing in ponds and catching frogs… and Seb… Seb seemed to grow out of those smiles.
I knew now that Luke had been grooming him to see me as competition instead of a brother. After years of my father cultivating a strong, healthy bond between us as boys, Luke had torn it all down with what appeared to be very little effort.
He’d poisoned Seb against me, and I’d been an idiot not to see it sooner.
If I had, maybe Milo would have never erased me in the first place.
I should haveknown.
Like father, like son.
But how was I supposed to ever see? How could I have ever believed he hated me, when all I ever saw when I looked at him were those bright smiles and big, innocent blue eyes?
