“No. You taste like that fuckingwhore,” I growled, but he batted my hand away and bit down on my neck instead.
It did nothing for me.
The memory of that witch exploring Shemhazai’s willing mouth right in front of me was too fresh. I was still too hurt and angry to indulge him.
Shemhazai’s hands fell to my belt, and he fumbled with the buckle, causing me to snarl.
“Shem, stop,” I ordered, but he ignored me, desperately attempting to get my belt undone.
“I said fuckingstop!”I snapped, pushing him away again. He hissed in rage and snatched up my hand, slamming it into the wall by my head.
“You’remine.”
“No, I’m fuckingnot.I’m not yourproperty.” I tore my hand out of his grip and shoved him back further. “I don’tbelongto you. I’m your fuckingpartner!Until you can get that through your head, I don’t have anything more to say to you.”
Then, to my complete shock, he dropped to his knees before me and reached for the buckle of my belt again.
Shemhazai didn’t give head.
The closest he’d ever come was wrapping his lips around my tip to swallow my release as I came. I suspected it had something to do with whatever had been done to him.
Similar to why he never undressed during sex.
I was never allowed to properly touch him, and he never bottomed.
He got me off with his hands, and he had fucked me only once before, over Yule, after I had given him the Yule tree he’d wanted so badly. Even then, he’d stayed almost fully clothed.
So, for him to be so desperate that he was willing to give me his mouth was significant.
I looked down at him, and his hands were shaking. His green eyes were swimming with a wetness I’d never seen in them before, and the tremble of his lip broke my heart.
“Shemhazai.”
“You can take from me,” he said, his voice quivering. “Let me… let me give you this.”
It took a moment for me to realize he was begging me, and I softened further.
I wrapped my hand around his jaw and tilted his head up to face me.
His eyes were impossibly large right now. He looked young and small on his knees before me.
“No. Shemhazai. I won’t take something from you that you don’t want to give me.”
“I do want it.”
I sighed.
“No, you don’t. You’re giving this to me because it’s the lesser of two evils for you. This isn’t what I want. I told you what I want from you. Until you can give me that, then this is a waste of time.”
I brushed my thumb over his lips, and he stared at me with so much raw pain in his eyes, and my heart cracked further.
“Are you going to leave me?” he asked, his voice so tiny, I couldn’t believe it was him speaking.
“That’s up to you.”
The blood drained from his face, and for a moment, I worried I’d gone too far, but then, he hardened again and snarled. He jerked his chin out of my hand and went for my belt again.
“You’re going to take what I’m offering, and then we’re putting this night behind us.” He hissed, and I finally snapped.
