I hated that this was hard for me.
I’d let him fuck me twice already, and it had been okay. Why was this so difficult?
Maybe it’s because what we’d done before was so different from what I was used to that it hadn’t triggered my usual instincts.
Maybe it’s because I’d had the security blanket of Gabe’s wings… I was technically naked but still covered.
The thought of going out there with nothing between my shame and the world was… fuckingscary.
I could already feel my mind shutting down. I was sliding into the version of myself that didn’t allow me to feel.
The cold, bored dom that demanded obedience and punished his partners—sometimes just for fucking existing—was trying to punch through my fragile sense of control.
I ran a hand down my face in frustration and shook my head violently. Drops of water flew from the ends of my hair, splattering the mirror and wall.
“Shemhazai.”
Gabe’s voice drifted in from the other room, and I growled.
Fucking Gabriel. Always needs to fuckingpush.
I knew now that I needed it. If he didn’t push me, I would never break free of this cage that I hadn’t even realized I was trapped in.
Closing my eyes and taking one last deep breath, I pushed up off the sink and left the bathroom.
Gabriel was sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for me.
He was backlit by the light of the full moon, which was spilling in through the window behind him and making him look every inch the gorgeous, unholy being he was.
Fuck.He was perfect. Naked, hard, and just… waiting for me.
My fingers twitched at my sides, and I found myself already glancing around the room for something to restrain him with.
I shook my head again, trying to remind myself that I didn’t have to tie him up.
He wasn’t going to hurt me.
He’d fucking given me a safeword last time, for fuck’s sake.
“Shemhazai,” he repeated, his warm gaze rolling over my form. His attention felt sweet like honey and was thick with concern.
“Talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”
I glanced at him and pursed my lips, forcing another deep breath past my lips to quell the frantic beat of my heart.
“This is… difficult… for me.”
“What is? Be specific,” he pressed, and I forced myself not to snarl at him. He was doing this intentionally. He knew why I was struggling, but he was making me say it so I could work through it myself.
I hated it. I needed it. I never wanted him to stop. If he didn’t stop, I might finish what Raz started and kill him my damn self.
FUCK!
I. Was. So. Fucking. DAMAGED!
“Shemhazai.” He used that stern, soft tone of his that made my gut feel warm and my heart-rate level out.
“It’s difficult because I feel exposed. I’m not covered.” I gestured to my towel-clad waist and glanced back up at him, swallowing so hard it hurt. “It’s making me want to tie you up.”
