“What!?” I sputtered, standing up so quickly that my chair shot backward. Theo rolled her eyes.
“Sit down. Relax. It’s fine if you are, Ryan. No one fucking cares.”
“Then why are you asking?!”
Theo sighed, swirling her tequila around in her cup. “I’m asking because I see the way you’ve been eye fucking Cal since we met him. He looks at you the same way, and… like I said, I think the guy’s a fucking weirdo, but you’re… different around him. More alive. Better than I’ve ever seen you.” She glancedup at me, her dark eyes burning into mine. “Wayfucking better than you are with that Joanna chick.”
Slowly, I slumped back down in my chair and shoved my empty glass toward Theo. She chuckled and topped me up. I took another deep pull and groaned, leaning back into my seat.
“Fucking Joanna.”
“Dude. She’s so fuckingboring.But she’s still a person with feelings. If you’re crushing on this Cal guy, you need to break up with her. You honestly should have broken up with her a long time ago.”
“Even if I was‘crushing’on him,” I made sarcastic air quotes to punctuate the wordcrushing.“He’s probably never going to speak to me again. Not after today,” I grumbled, the booze making me more open about everything Cal made me feel. My cheeks flushed as I remembered jerking off in the shower to the thought of him touching me.
I had even experimented with fingering my asshole a little… Did that make me gay?
“How can I be twenty fucking seven and just be questioning my sexuality now?” I wondered out loud, taking another sip of tequila.
Theo chuckled. “I dunno, man. I’ve kinda thought you were gay for years. You’ve never really been interested in girls. In your defense, you haven’t really shown an interest in dudes either until now, but anyone with eyes can see you’re into that guy.”
“What are people going to think?” I whispered.
Theo scoffed. “I’m gay. Does that change the way you think about me?”
I frowned. “Of course not.”
Theo had been out as a lesbian for as long as I could remember. It was just a fact. The sun was hot, the sky was blue, Theo was gay. It was different for me. I had always identified as straight. If it turned out I wasn’t, would it be a big shockto everyone? Would I have to do a whole ‘coming out’ thing? Ihatedbeing the center of attention. Fielding questions from acquaintances, peers, and extended family about my sexuality was the definition of my living nightmare.
Theo shrugged. “Fuck people. Who cares what they think? And honestly, being gay isn’t this big taboo thing like it used to be. Just lean into it. Experiment. See if you like it. You don’t need to be so fucking serious and black and white about everything, Ryan. Don’t label it if you don’t want to… Just don’t hold yourself back either.”
I sighed. The truth was, with Cal, the gay thing was only part of it. Theo had no idea he had murdered Caleb’s father, and I had incinerated his corpse in our cremator.
“He’s dangerous, though,” I whispered.
Theo smirked. “So what? So am I.”
I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help but grin stupidly at her. My eyes felt warm. I was definitely kind of drunk.
“Whatever. Cal’s sister practically kicked your ass today,” I teased, and her eyes darkened.
“Yeah. I’ll have to return the favor,” she muttered, and I laughed, shaking my head.
“You don’t beat up civilians. Not since high school, at least.”
The corner of her mouth twitched. “I don’t need to beat her up to put her in her fucking place.”
It was my turn to roll my eyes. “You always talk such a big game, Theodora. We all know you’re a big teddy bear deep down.” I slurred, and she took another sip of tequila, her eyes flashing.
“Only for the people who deserve it. Anyway, we’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you and your big gay crush on the psychopath that keeps breaking into our house.”
I flipped her off, but I couldn’t keep the goofy grin off my face.
Theo wasn’t smiling. “You owe him an apology, Ryan. You were fucking cold today. Even I could see that the dude was just trying to help you.”
I nodded. “Yeah. I felt bad after.”
“You should feel bad. That wasn’t fucking cool.”
