When Ryan tried to wake me up, I attacked him again.
Thankfully, he was ready for me this time, and I wasn’t able to actually hurt him, but the guilt I felt was enormous.
I didn’t want toeverhurt Ryan. Not unless he was begging me for it.
I wanted to be his protector. His dark angel.
It felt like a sick joke that the only person I needed to protect him from was my fucking self.
On top of that, now that Apex was gone, I had no idea what to do with myself. Apex was all I had ever known, and now that Damian was dead, I felt lost.
What was my purpose? What good was someone like me to society?
I’d never gone to school. The only skill I had was killing people, and Ryan didn’t want me to do that anymore.
If I was being honest,Ididn’t really want to do that anymore.
For the first time in my life, if I had to pick between murder and sex, I would pick sex every time. As long as it was with my perfect, sweet ginger boy and hisinsanelytight ass.
I had never needed to make decisions like this for myself, so I was feeling particularly lost and anxious when Ryan woke me up the next morning.
“How was the rest of your sleep?” he asked, stroking the side of my face and leaving toe-curling, gentle kisses along the side of my jaw.
“Would have been better if you let me sleep in the car.” I pouted, giving him a grumpy look. After Ryan had convinced me to come back to bed, the rest of my night had been restless.I’d tossed and turned all night, worried I would try to hurt him again in my sleep.
He scoffed.
“We’ve discussed this.” Ryan rolled away from me and hopped out of bed. I shamelessly stared at his bubbly, freckled ass as he pulled on a clean pair of boxers.
I sighed and sat up in bed, running my hands down my face in frustration.
“Baby, it’s not safe for me to sleep next to you. I could seriously hurt you.”
“You’re not going to hurt me, Callum.” He brushed me off as he bustled around the room doing his neurotic little Ryan things he did every morning. “Get out of bed so I can make it,” he snipped. I could tell by his tone that he was annoyed with my pushback on our sleeping arrangements.
I smirked as he gathered the obscene amount of throw pillows that he diligently arranged on the bed every day. Wanting to both make a point and fuck with him a little, I did as he asked and got up.
I didn’t rush to get dressed like he had. Instead, I prowled naked around the bed as he scurried about the massive California King.
He was fluffing a particularly large throw pillow when I pounced on him from behind.
“Arrrgh!” he cried out in surprise. I flipped him around and crawled on top of him. Wrapping a hand around his throat, I smirked down at him as he squirmed beneath me.
His cock swelled in his jeans, and I cursed myself for not pouncing on him before he got dressed.
“I’m still dangerous, Ryan. Of course I could hurt you,” I purred before leaning forward and running my tongue firmly up the side of his face.
He groaned and rolled his hips, which only made my cock grow hard in response.
He gave me a devious smirk that I wasn’t expecting and slid his hand in between us, wrapping his fingers around my dick and stroking me firmly.
“Fuck…”I groaned, thrusting my hips into his warm hand.
“I know you could. But you won’t. Not like that.”
What had we been talking about again?
Oh right. Me accidentally killing the love of my life in my sleep.
