His outburst shocked me enough that I stood frozen for a moment, gaping at him as he tried to get himself under control.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in through his nose and out through his mouth before locking eyes with me again.
“I almost lost you, Cal. I thought you were going todieon my table.” He brushed his fingers over my chest, directly over where he knew my brand was. It was almost completely healed by now, but his gentle touch, even over my T-shirt, made me flinch.
Not because it hurt but because of what it symbolized.
“Did I ever tell you how my dad died?” he asked softly, and I frowned but shook my head. I realized suddenly, outside of what I had read about him online, I didn’t actually know the details of Ryan’s past.
We usually talked about me and all the bullshit I had suffered through. As the realization washed over me, I immediately felt like a selfish asshole.
It had been easy to take his quiet support and interest in my life for granted, especially when I was feeling raw and going through so much.
But looking at him now, he had real fear in his eyes, and I quickly understood that it had something to do with his own trauma he had suffered through.
“No. Tell me,” I whispered as he reached up and brushed the tear that had slid down my cheek away with his thumb. Taking my hand, he led me over to where he had been sitting by the box. He scooped up the picture frame he’d been looking at when I came in.
He passed it to me, and I held it up to the light and looked down into the frame.
A tiny version of Ryan with a missing front tooth and a giant bouquet of lilies beamed up at me. He’d been much more freckly as a child, and his ginger hair was much more orange. There was a handsome, dark-haired man beside him, with his arm draped over baby Ryan’s shoulder. They were surrounded by several vases full of flowers, primarily lilies, and both seemed so freaking happy I felt like my heart might burst.
“Is that him?” I asked, brushing my thumb over the handsome man’s face. Ryan came up beside me and slid his hand around my waist, smiling down at the picture with me.
“Yeah. He was the fucking best,” he muttered gruffly. Glancing up at me, he swallowed.
“You remind me of him a lot,” he said, and I frowned.
“Telling me I remind you of your dad isn’t helping convince me that you’re still attracted to me,” I grumbled.
Ryan frowned. “You think I’m not attracted to you?”
I shrugged, looking away. “Maybe. I don’t know. I feel weak. Like I can’t be the man you need me to be. I don’t like that you’ve had to take care of me these last few weeks, and the fact that you don’t want to touch me at all isn’t helping.”
“Callum, you’re the most attractive person I’ve ever met,” Ryan whispered, tilting my face down so he could look me in the eyes.
“I’m attracted to everything about you. It’s been just as hard for me as it has been for you these last few weeks. Every time you kiss me, it takes everything in me not to just let you tear all my clothes off and have your way with me.”
I swallowed, searching his face for any indication that he was just saying these things to placate me, but I didn’t think you could fake the intense heat that was smoldering in his brandy eyes.
“I know I’m not very experienced in these things, but I think about it all the time, you know. What it would feel like for you to…”
My cock twitched in my pants, and I tugged him closer to me, skating my lips over his and inhaling his sweet scent.
“For me to what?” I rumbled, and he quivered against me.
His adorable ginger flush spread through his cheeks, and I dropped gentle kisses on each side of his face, enjoying how warm his blush felt against my lips.
“For you to fuck me.” He whispered, and I audibly groaned out loud.
“Fuck, Ryan.” I nipped his lower lip. “Keep saying things like that.”
He laughed nervously and pulled away again, making my heart sink in disappointment.
“My dad was diagnosed with a heart condition when I was twenty.”
I felt like someone dumped a cold bucket of water on me. How had we gone to talking about me fucking him tothis?
He looked down at the picture of him and his dad surrounded by flowers, and he looked so broken-hearted that I felt like a complete asshole for trying to make this moment about me.
