For the first time in my life, I felt ugly and unattractive.
Pushing away these painful thoughts, I snarled and shot to my feet. “It’s been almostsix weeks,Ryan, and you won’t let me touch you. You’re myboyfriend.”
His eyebrows raised, and his cheeks turned pink. “I-I am? I thought you didn’t care about putting a label on it.”
“Obviously, I fucking care, and yes, you are. You’re my boyfriend, Ryan.I need to be able to fuck my boyfriend.”
“Baby, you know what Dr. Callahan said.”
“FuckDr. Callahan! I’mfine! And I need you.”
“I don’t want to risk you overexerting yourself too soon.”
I snorted. “That sounds like a fucking excuse.”
He frowned. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“It means it sounds like anexcuse.What is the real reason you won’t let me get close to you?” The words left my mouth before I could stop them. Did I really want to know the answer to that?
Because you’re the fucking devil. You’re an unlovable, evil piece of shit, and I never wanted you in the first place. You forced your way into my life, and now you expect me to actually want you?
Ryan’s mouth was moving, and I couldn’t hear him over the imagined words that were spinning through my mind.
The backs of my eyes pricked with tears, and I took a step back.
“You know what? Forget it. You clearly don’t want me. I’ll get out of your hair,” I snapped, turning away.
My eyes were filled with hot tears, and I could barely see where I was going as I stumbled away from him. I hadn’t cried since I was a little kid. Damian had made sure of that.
Mercenaries don’t cry.
Feeling weak and ashamed, I made sure Ryan couldn’t see as I rushed to leave the attic.
Before I could even make it to the ladder, strong fingers curled around my bicep, and Ryan spun me to face him.
“Let me fucking go!” I snarled, frustrated that a tear slid down my cheek, just as Ryan turned me to face him. His brandy eyes tracked the tear, and his eyebrows shot up into his hairline.
He looked… shocked.
“Cal, where is this coming from?” he asked gently, and I ripped my arm out of his grip.
“What do you mean where is this coming from? I’ve been trying to be with you for weeks, but you keep turning me down. I don’t want to fucking force you, Ryan. If you don’t want me, just say so. Stop wasting my fucking time.”
I tried to pull away again, but Ryan grabbed my shoulders and held me in place; a flicker of anger crossed his face.
“You think this is a waste of time?”
“It is if you don’t even want to be with me.”
“You think I don’t want tobe with you?”
“Obviously! Why else won’t you touch me? And don’t say it’s because I’m injured. I haven’t even needed that stupid crutch for a week!”
Without warning, he shook me and began shouting.
“I ALMOST LOST YOU!”
I jerked as his fingers dug into my shoulders so hard I knew I would bruise.
