For a second, I thought about canceling on Vox.
A version of what this nightcouldbe played out in my mind like the most perfect movie.
I could have a few glasses of wine with this family that I had forced myself into.
Once Ryan was feeling all warm and flushed from the wine, I could have teased him under the table and gotten him all worked up. Maybe even whispered all the things I wanted to do to him while everyone was busy with the dishes.
We could have cleaned up together and laughed. Maybe we could get Naomi set up in that room that Caleb had stayed in…
Then Ryan and I would have gone to bed, and I’d spend the entire night worshiping him and making him fall so fucking deeply in love with me that he would never let me go.
I would sleep in the same bed as him and hold him tight against me.
We would wake up together.
And then the next day do it all over a-fucking-gain.
My chest felt so goddamn tight as I watched my sister joke and laugh with Ryan and Theo while Iris smiled at us in that dreamy, accepting way she always did.
What would it be like for Naomi to have Iris in her life regularly? To have anormalfamily experience?
It wasn’t fair that she only had me and Cass.
I wanted her to havethisfamily.
Iwanted this family.
Could I have them? Could I really keep them?
Would Damian ever let me?
The warm, strange feeling that had been welling inside me suddenly turned to ice.
Damian’s whiskey-colored eyes blinked across my mind, and my fantasy was suddenly ripped to bloody shreds.
No.
Damian would never let me have this family.
Not really.
‘You’re my most important investment, Mr. Walker. I will always pay close attention to what you do.’
Something grazed my thigh, and I jumped before I realized it was Ryan.
He had put his hand on my leg discreetly under the table.
I turned to look at him, feeling like I was underwater. My insides were all twisted up with unfamiliar emotions likeyearning, sadness,and fuckingfear.
“Hey.” His voice was low and quiet, as if he were making sure his words were just for me. “You’re quiet tonight. Everything okay?”
I swallowed and nodded, painting on a smile.
“Of course, ginger snap.” I winked. “How could I not be? I’m here with you.”
His cheeks turned rosy, and he gave me his tiny, shy-guy smile.
“Good. Just checking.”
