“Okay, I’ll get your tea ready. I’ve got blueberry muffins in the oven right now. I’ll set some aside for you for later.” She waves and leaves.
I get up and walk to my closet. Despite the house being warm, I feel chilly this morning. What does one wear to meet their father? I have absolutely no idea, so I grab a tank top and jeans for now, and head to the shower.
I’m still standing in front of my closet 30 minutes later when Sue comes back in. “Okay, sweetheart?”
“I can’t decide if I should dress up or wear my usual tee and hoodie, Sue.” I’ve looked at everything hanging up twice but I’m still undecided, and still feel cold, with waves of pins and needles running down the length of my body at random times. Nervous energy, I guess.
“You wear whatever is comfortable to you right now. Zander won’t care what you’re wearing,” she assures me.
I take another quick scan, then grab Jake’s hoodie to pull over my tank top. I want a part of him with me when I meet Zander. It seems only right.
“Good choice. Come,” she motions, “let’s go down and have tea.”
We head down to the kitchen table where my mug of tea is waiting for me. I take a deep breath of the refreshing, minty smell and sip as Sue fills a tray with hot tea and muffins.
“We should have the call in the living room this morning. Mary can set her laptop on the coffee table, and the three of us can sit along the couch. It should allow all of us to be seen on screen. How does that sound, sweetheart?”
“That sounds good, Sue.” The mint is helping the nauseous feeling, but my palms are getting sweaty. I bring my half-empty cup to the sink to drain, as a knock sounds on the door. I open the door to find Mary. “Hi Mary. Come in. Sue has us setting up in the living room.”
“Hi Summer. How are you doing?” Mary is in a puffer coat, opened to show a rumpled grey business suit, with her purse in one hand and a laptop bag in the other.
“I’m hanging in there,” I reply.
Sue greets Mary and helps her set up on the coffee table as I stand in front of the sink and wash my mug for something to do. My phone rings in my hoodie pocket. Pulling it out, I see Sarah video calling. “Hi Sarah. Is everything all right?”
“Hi Summer. Everything is fine. Just checking in before our call.”
“Oh, okay. I’m really nervous. I was nauseous when I woke up, and I’m fidgeting now, and my palms are sweaty.”
“That’s expected, Summer. This is a big step. Perfectly normal response. Were you able to read through the letter and attachments Zander sent?”
“Yeah, Sue and I both did.” The pile of papers from him is sitting on my desk. It’s as thick as a notebook, making me feel a little more at ease with all the effort he put in.
“What are your thoughts about Zander after reading everything?” Sarah inquires.
“He seems nice. Zander wants you all to stay in my life, and he wants to meet everyone when I’m ready. He said he was nervous too.”
“That’s great, Summer. It sounds as though he already cares about you. Are you ready to meet him?”
Not even a little, I think to myself. “I kinda have to be, right?” I don’t have a choice but to meet him and move. Upending my whole life again, no big deal, right? I internally roll my eyes at myself.
She smiles kindly. “Remember, one moment at a time. I’m going to hang up now, so I’m ready when Mary calls. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
“Okay, bye, Sarah.” I walk into the living room, tucking my phone back into my pocket, and see Mary working on the laptop, set up in the center of the coffee table.
Mary stands up and turns towards me after finishing, her usual pinched look on her face. “Summer, were you able to read my email?”
“Yes, I read it last night.”
She quirks an eyebrow at me, waiting. So self-righteous, this one.
I look over at Sue, who nods. “Everything is fine, Mary. Let’s move on.” Mary and I have had a bumpy relationship from the beginning. She cares about the kids under her care, I think, in her own way, but she doesn’t have the empathy gene. I often wondered how she ended up at CPS.
“Okay,” Sue claps her hands. “Shall we take a seat on the couch? It’s a few minutes until nine.”
Sue sits and pats the seat between her and Mary for me. Mary bends over and brings up Sarah’s info and dials her in first.
I wave as Sue and Mary greet her. At that moment, the laptop rings. I suck in a breath, and Sue grabs my hand. Sarah gives me a smile and a nod. Oh, gosh, this is it. Can I do this? I don’t know if I can. But I have to. My ears ring from my rapid heartbeat as I breathe deeply to try and remain calm.
