“Because it’s my favorite.”
“Hmm.” He shrugs, and we continue looking at each other for a minute before he turns his face back to the sun, closing his eyes with a sigh.
“It makes everything so peaceful and quiet.” He says. “The sun—I mean. Letting it cover me like this.” I study his profile, his full lips, his button nose. I swallow.
“What are you quieting?” He seems startled by my question, and right as I’m about to apologize for prying, he sighs again. He points to his head.
“Here.” I have no idea what he’s trying to say—but I do believe it’s the realest thing he’s ever told me—so I hold onto that and don’t push him any further. We lay in silence for a minute longer, and I watch sweat trail down his neck. I want to touch him. And like the masochist I am—I do.
Reaching out as lightly as I can manage, I trace the bow of his top lip. When he doesn’t move away, only his breathing showing acknowledgment to the touch as it speeds up, I trace the bottom too. I then wedge my finger gently between his lips—not pushing into his mouth—just far enough to feel the heat, the wet warmth that I know lies there. I shudder slightly, and he turns his head to face me, my hand staying where it is on his lips. He stares into my eyes, and I can see so many questions there—ones I can’t answer, not now. I swallow thickly.
“Is it now? Quiet—I mean.” My voice is so soft and low, I wonder for a second if he even hears me. But then he parts his lips and—withoutever removing my finger that falls to rest on his full bottom lip—he responds.
“Yes.” His wide eyes blink once, then twice. He breathes heavily. “It’s very quiet.” I smile at that. And then slowly but surely, he gives me one of those sun smiles, all breathtaking and inches from me. So cruel—to be so untouchable like this. I move my finger to one of his dimples and press into it.
Benjamin makes a tiny gasping sound that goes immediately to my dick—where it absolutely shouldn’t be.
I rip my hand away and sit up with a quickness—hugging my knees to my chest—trying to hide my half-hard dick and all the shame that comes along with it. Benjamin stays absolutely still, as if by moving a muscle he’ll startle me off. I’m too scared to look at his face, in fear of seeing disgust or anger. Or even worse—desire. If I looked down and saw the begging look in his eyes that I see so frequently in my unrelenting fantasies, I would absolutely lean over and touch him anywhere I could get my hands. With that in mind—I stand.
“Later, Button.” I call over my shoulder—not daring to look back. As I swim back to where Amber and Felix are, I try to calm my breathing and look as if nothing interesting at all just happened to me.
“Hey, babe.” Amber says, wrapping her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. I’m just tall enough to touch the ground and have my shoulders still above the water line. I hold her ass—keeping her where she is.
“And what are you two up to?” I ask, smiling at Felix.
“Just playing mermaids. Amber insisted. What’s wrong with Bear?” Felix looks over my shoulder, and I don’t turn to look—to see if he’s gotten up or if he’s approaching.
“He wanted to lay in the sun.” I say shortly. Felix nods and turns his attention back to Amber.
“Well—mermaid princess—shall we continue our quest?” Amber giggles and slides off me tocontinue her game with my kid brother. I watch them—half present—the other half of me laying on the towels on the dirt next to Benjamin as he soaks up the sun.
After a few more hours of river time, more challenges and Benjamin becoming king of the mermaid kingdom believe it or not, we pack up and drive home. Within ten minutes Felix is knocked out, head against the window with Benjamin slumped against his shoulder, breathing steadily and sweetly.
“I asked Felix about it, by the way. Bear’s home life.” Amber says, looking at me as she rests her feet on the dash. No matter how many times I tell her that her legs will break if we crash, she doesn’t care.
“What did he say?” I sneak a look at the sleeping boy.
“Bear’s never directly told him anything—so he only knows what he’s been able to deduce over the years. But something is definitely not okay. He said that when Benjamin first started coming over, he saw bruising on him. But Benjamin said it was from kids at school, so Fe dropped it. But then he would act skittish when it was time to go home, and it took him a while to revert back to normal when he came back over. Apparently, he would stare at the floor or give short answers and isolate himself from whatever was happening around him.
To make matters worse—whenever he’d come back over—he’d wear jeans and long sleeves, even in the heat. He’d refuse to change in front of Felix, sometimes even sleeping in his day clothes under the pretense that he was ‘shy’. As he got older and started spending more time with your family, he seemed to get better. Even joined the swim team in junior high. But he refuses to let Fe meet his dad—and his mom is apparently gone. We’re assuming dead—but he never clarified. No one is allowed inside his house, and if his dad’s car is there, he refuses to go in. Something’s seriously wrong, Aaron. I think that man was hitting Bear. So does Felix. But Bear won’t talk about it. He says everything gets too loud and he can’t handle it. So, Fe doesn’t force it.”
I stare between the road and the rearview mirror where Benjamin’s peaceful face is sleeping. He looks soinnocent, pure and good. My skin crawls as I take in Amber’s words, a guilt I’ve never felt before overwhelming me. I knew something was weird and did nothing.
It is obvious to everyone around that something isn’t right—will we wait until it’s too late? This guilt is suffocating. I want to help. I need to fix it. Who else will save him if not me?
But he won’t speak—he won’t let us help him. It’s a stalemate.
“What can we do?” I ask, anger and fear lacing my voice. “He spends most of his time with us, and he won’t even tell us himself what’s going on. Do we call Child Protective Services? Do I roll up on the bastard?” Amber rubs my bicep to comfort me, and my heartbeat starts to slow back down to a normal rate.
“I think we have to let him come to us on his own and be there in every other way we can.” I nod, gripping the steering wheel and focusing on driving. I wonder what it was that he needed—that he was too scared to face his father to get it.
???
Later that night Amber is showering, the boys in Felix’s room and laughing over whatever video they’re watching. I lean against my headboard, still thinking about what Amber told me, trying to recall if I ever saw a mark on Benjamin’s body. I can’t. Amber comes out of the bathroom in her matching bra and panties—lacy and red—hair loose and wet as it sits around her waist.
“God, I needed that.” She moans. “I could feel the dirt where dirt should not be.” I laugh, about to offer her some sweatpants and a shirt, even though I’m sure I’ll be taking them off soon enough, when Felix’s door opens and Benjamin’s eyes widen as he enters. Taking in the almost-naked, wet Amber—and then me—shirtless on my bed. Oof. That probably doesn’t look super innocent. Benjamin’s cheeks heat up and he takes a step back.
“Uh—sorry. I thought you guys were done.” Before I can speak, he shuts the door and in the silence that follows I don’t hear anything else from the other side of the door. Amber turns back around to me.
