“That’s not surprising. Are you ready to push past your basic needs at this time, or should we wait longer?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I feel okay other than the numbness. What do youthink?”
“You know your body best, so this is ultimately your decision. What you’ll handle this time is smaller than a year ago. Not that both situations are not very hard, because they are. You have come a long way since then, and you have some coping tools at your disposal now that you didn’t have before. You also have a built in support system. What do you think is best for you right now?”
“I guess we can try it and see how it goes,” I shrug. What’s the worst that could happen? More numbness?
“Okay Summer. Let’s break everything up into smaller, more manageable bits. We’ll tackle them one at a time. Let’s start with the news yesterday. What are your thoughts on it?”
“Not surprised by Mary’s attitude. If I had emotions right now, I’d be angry at Sue for keeping that from me. Why didn’t she tell me?”
“Sue and I actually discussed that last night. She told me she found out on the one-year anniversary of the accident. It was such a tough day already. She didn’t want to add to your burden.”
Of course, she wouldn’t say anything that day. “That was in January, though. It’s March now.”
“True. You should talk to her about her reasoning, okay?”
I nod.
“What are you feeling concerning Sue’s condition?”
“I don’t want to lose her,” I whisper, feeling a stirring of sadness in my heart. Probably better than the numbness.
“How do you believe you will lose her?”
“Mary wants me to move out, and she has Alzheimer’s.”
“Okay, let’s start with Alzheimer’s. Sue has early-onset Alzheimer’s, and she isn’t exhibiting any real symptoms right now. She’s healthy and fully functional. It may be years before any problematic symptoms develop, and there have been several new treatments in the past few years to slow progression. She is adjusting her diet and taking some extra supplements to help protect her brain.”
“That’s…good,” I reply. Maybe Sue will be okay for years yet.
“Yes, it is. I’m guessing you heard the word Alzheimer’s after everything else, and missed the rest?”
“That’s possible.”
“There is nothing to worry about right now. The diagnosis is scary, but it won’t separate her from you soon. The length of one’s life is not predictable. We never know how long we will walk on this earth. We can’t focus on what ifs and worry about when something may happen in the future. That isn’t living. You need to focus on the present. One moment at a time.”
“Yeah, okay. That helps.” Rubbing my hands down my face, I try to shake the rest of the emotional block out of myself.
“Good. Onto the next thing. You moving out. Do you really think that if you live somewhere else that you will lose Sue? That woman loves you. You won’t be able to get rid of her that easily. She will visit you, and you can visit her. There’s video calls, phone calls, texts. You can interact with her every day. Yes, it will differ from living there, but you won’t lose her.”
I deflate a little. “You’re right. She can still be in my life. But what if my father doesn’t let me visit? Or doesn’t want me to stay in contact?”
“I haven’t met or spoken to your father, although Mary assures me he’s more than willing to help with whatever you require. His only concern is that you are happy and healthy. He said that whatever you needed, he was more than happy to provide.
“Mary has informed him of the accident, Sue, and me. Zander offered to fly you back here as often as you’d like. He’s also offered to be available for a video conference for all of us whenever you are ready. He wants you to have everything you need.”
Sighing, I scoot back to lean against the wall. “I still don’t want to move. I’ve never met the man, and I’m supposed to move away and live with him. It’s a lot of big changes again.”
“It is, but you have coping skills and a support system that will still be in place. Everything that happened last time was a negative change. This has the potential to be a positive change. Positive change leads to growth.”
“What about Jake? He’s my lifeline. I’m all he has left since his parents moved away.” I certainly feel some panic rising at the thought of leaving him. Damn. Jake will be absolutely the worst part of this.
“Jake is a difficult situation for sure. You can certainly video call him with Mal’s help as often as you’d like. Your father offered to fly you back whenever you wanted as well. You will still be in his life as often as you wish. You are not abandoning him, only changing location. Mal treats all her patients like family. He is, and will continue to be, well cared for.”
“I guess…but it’s not the same as being here.” How can I function without the feel of his heartbeat in my ear? Or smell his familiar cologne?
“No, it’s not, but it’s the next best thing to being here. Why don’t we stop here for today? We’ve unpacked a lot. Much more than expected. How are you doing?”
