“I’ll see you later, Orion.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
He hops out of the car, slamming the door behind him in his anger. He bends down, tapping on the window, and I roll my eyes before opening it. The glass rolls down. “And where are you going?”
“Home,” I lie, closing the window and hitting the gas at the same time.
“Asshole,” he yells down the driveway after me, but I don’t really care what he thinks after he cried all day and hugged me.
I speed away and head back toward my house, making a loose plan as I go. The fire of losing Sable always burns inside me. It’s an itch I can’t scratch. A void I don’t know how to fill. Right now, I’m insane with it. I need to fucking feel something, a different kind of pain to put a stop to this one. Once I’m close enough to my parents’ house and the road is wide and empty, I take my hands off the wheel and hit the gas.
The alignment is spot-on, so it takes until the road veers for the car to turn the wrong way. My front end aims at a line of trees, and I check the speedometer. I’m only going forty-five, so this won’t kill me. I tell myself that Sable is still out there, and she needs me. This isn’t about taking my own life despite how appealing that option feels at times. My heart hammers against my rib cage and jumps up to my throat. The trees come closer, and at that point, there’s no turning back.
The collision is pure force all around me. My ears ring with a percussive blast as my face meets the airbag. The impact knocks the wind out of me as the airbag deploys, saving my face from the steering wheel. Glass shatters like rain, smoke rises, and the acrid scent of the burning engine fills the air. It’s the purest expression of my pain I’ve ever seen, and the closest I’ve ever come to making art. A quick accounting of my body says nothing is broken, yet blood drips down my face, and my front teeth feel loose from the impact.
The adrenaline and pain surge through me, and I smile, just for a split second, but at that moment, I feel better. The freezing winter air creeps in, and I know I can’t stay in here all night. I try the handle, but the door doesn’t open easily. With my elbow, I force enough space to free my body. Standing beside my favorite car in my collection, I feel a little more at peace. I don’t deserve a happy, comfortable life with things I enjoy when I couldn’t even keep her safe.
I take her things with me before I leave the car, then turn to walk the rest of the way back home. Twenty miles should be good enough when I’ve been so thoroughly beat to shit. All of this is a form of payment for what’s been done to Sable, and in a strange way, I do feel better. It won’t bring her back, but an unpaid debt is a heavy burden.
As I walk, I worry that I might have hurt myself a little worse than initially anticipated, but what’s the worst that can happen? I won’t be able to playfootballanymore? Who actually gives a shit?
My father, but not me.
CHAPTER 5
ORION
TWO WEEKS WITHOUT SABLE
Parker sits on my bed,elbows to his knees as he searches foranythingrelated to Sable on his phone. That’s what he does every day and night. It never ends. Apparently, anything she ever touched deserves investigating, and nothing is small enough to be overlooked. Everyone is looking for her, but none of them feels the need to include me. Parker doesn’t even ask for my help. He’s just humoring me.
“Did you find anything in her scrapbook?” I ask.
He shakes his head but doesn’t look away from whatever he’s reading. “I gave it to Hadrian. He said he had an idea.”
I can’t imagine what the musician is going to do with an old collection of pictures, but good for him. Parker’s eyes are still blackened, but he won’t explain how or why that happened. A part of me hopes and fears that he got into a fight with my brother. It would be hugely satisfying to know Soren got a little something back for what he’s done, but a part of me fears that answer too. I want to ask Parker again, but I don’t for the sake of keeping whatever’s left of the peace.
Soren’s room sits empty on the other side of the wall. His absence is its own presence in my chest, a festering wound making everything worse. Missing him doesn’t make me hate him any less, though. I imagine him at Bellthorn with his fucking whore to stop the feeling. He’s been there all break, so they could have fucked all over the castle by now. Anger and pain rip through me, a potent cocktail I can’t control any longer. My heart and guts scream. They have been since she left, and our trip surely didn’t help.
“Fuck Hadrian,” I say, old habits dying hard.
“Yeah, fuck Hadrian,” he agrees, and his presence really does make me feel a little bit better. Plus, if anyone can find her, it should be her stalker, right?I would have believed that a few weeks ago.
“How did you get her to be our Offering? I know you set it up, but how?” This question has been gnawing at me, and it now seems like as good a time as any to get answers.
He doesn’t seem to hear me, so I call his name and repeat the question when he finally looks up from his phone.
“Why does it matter now? That’s not why she’s gone.” From the set of his jaw, I can tell he’s certain about that.
Guilt. That’s a look I can recognize. We’re all dying slowly from it.
“Have you already checked?”
“Obviously.” Things are only growing tenser, not because we can’t get along, that part is actually working surprisingly well, but because being without Sable isn’t for either of us. The pressure of the promise he made me weighs down the air, and we both know this is a matter of life and death.
“So what was it, Parker? How did you do it?”
