A large crash comes instead of a response, and my eyes move to a pile of glass that used to be a vase. My frustration must be written on my face because he shrugs as if I questioned him out loud.
“She’s not here. Her parents are dead.”
“But we are looking for a clue.” I regret bringing the bull to the china shop. “We can’t find anything if you trash the place.”
He holds his hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay. Sure, clue.”
Silence surrounds us for a few minutes while I comb through the first room, but I should know that Orion can’t keep his mouth shut.
“You should have told me when you saw me like this.”
“All dressed up?” I chuckle but don’t look in his direction. “It’s good that you’re trying to undo the damage your brother did.”
He shifts in place, uncomfortable. It’s obvious that he holds himself responsible for forcing this relationship on Soren. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see the thing he wanted most bit us all in the ass. In the end, if Orion had just left him out of it and accepted the balance we struck, we all could have still been with her. I’m not sure if he’s right. I know Sable well, and I thought I knew Soren, and none of this was something I could have predicted.
The reality is that Sable wanted Soren. Even if Orion hadn’t forced her on Soren, I would have. I give my girl whatever she wants, even if it’s my best friend. If it weren’t Orion bringing Soren in, it would have been me.
CHAPTER 4
PARKER
After turningover what little remained in her father’s office and her parents’ bedroom, we switch to looking in Sable’s. We step into a time capsule of young Sable, and it hurts way more than I thought it would. Fewer things have been taken from here than from other parts of the house. We stand inside her pale pink room, staring at her matching canopy bed and wondering where the fuck she is.
Orion takes a pass around the room, fingers trailing over her belongings, and I realize it’s his first time seeing it. Sometimes I forget that none of them have loved her as long as I have, when all of us together felt so damn natural. He sighs and then falls into her bed dramatically. He’s face down on the pillow, and I could almost swear he’s crying.
“It still sort of smells like her,” he murmurs. “Fuck my brother, fuck Soren so goddamn hard.”
For some strange reason, his pain soothes some of mine. Sadism isn’t really one of my kinks, but it’s good to know I’m not alone. Pulling strength from his breakdown, I look through every single item left in her room. An hour or so passes as I search, and each item makes me feel closer to Sable, but none of them lead me any closer physically. Orion moves from maybecrying to full-blown sobbing in that time, but I let him because somehow that comforts me too.
When it’s time to leave, I find that it’s hard not to take something of hers with me, so I take some of the jewelry left in the box and a scrapbook. I would personally leave behind many pictures in that scrapbook, especially those of her father and Liliana, but I don’t touch it. It’s her decision, and she can make it once we find her. My finger trails over the picture of Liliana.
“It’s time to go, Orion,” I finally say to him, forcefully pulling myself out of my thoughts.
“No. Let me just die here,” he speaks into the pillow.
“If I do that, what am I going to tell Sable when we eventually find her?”
He stops sniffling for a minute, considering. He pulls his head up, rubs his eyes, and finally stands. I’m glad that answer was good enough for him. His face is a wreck—his eyes, lips, and nose are swollen and red.
“What if we don’t find her?” he asks, and I push him toward the door.
We’re leavingthrough the back door and heading back to the car when I finally answer, “We will.” I don’t leave room for doubt.
“What if we find her after it’s too late?” His whole body shivers as he speaks my fears into the night. The pain in my chest stops me in my tracks. That isn’t a possibility I can live with. There isn’t a world for me without Sable Briarwick in it.
“I’ll kill you before I kill myself,” I tell him, deciding that’s the best way for everyone else too. No one wants to deal with Orion in that case. There isn’t anything else I can offer him, and it might sound insane, but it’s entirely genuine. I’m finding heralive, or I’m headed to the afterlife with her, and if he wants, he can come with us.
“Do you mean it?” he asks with a small, pitiful voice.
“Yeah, there isn’t a chance in hell I’m going to live without her, and I really don’t care about taking you with me before I go.”
Orion reaches out, and I lift my hands defensively, thinking he intends to strike me. I don’t have any other way to interpret his behavior, but instead, the crazy fuckerhugsme. I allow it for about two seconds before I peel him off me.
“Alright, that’s enough of that. It’s even weirder with you dressed like this and snotty.”
He wipes his face as he turns around. Someone stands on the sidewalk, hands and eyes pressed to the bars of the gate as they watch us, so I pick up the pace. We’ve already seen everything we need, and I don’t feel like explaining our presence to the cops. Once he’s in the car, we pull out and quickly leave the scene. I’m disappointed, tired, and done with everything. I wasn’t naive enough to think I was going to find her today, but I never thought I was going back home so empty-handed.
“What are we doing here?” he asks when I return to the same spot where I picked him up.
