“I’m aware.”
“And in the middle of this crisis, you’ve developed an intense romantic relationship with a man who comes with significant complications. Fame. Media attention. Conflicting opinions about someone you trust.” She paused. “Does that seem like good timing to you?”
“I already said the timing was inconvenient.”
“I’m saying it might be more than inconvenient.” Dr. Carlisle’s voice was gentle but firm. “I’m saying Graham might be a distraction you can’t afford right now.”
“He’s not a distraction.”
“He’s consuming a significant amount of your emotions. You just spent ten minutes talking about him instead of talking about the very real financial crisis that’s threatening to take your ranch.”
“Because you asked about him!”
“And you had a lot to say.” She picked up her pen again. “Rose, I’m not telling you Graham is a bad person. I’m not even telling you the relationship is wrong. I’m telling you that right now, in this moment, you need to survive. And surviving means focusing on what you can control.”
“I can’t control any of this.”
“You can control where you put your energy.” She met my eyes. “You can control whether you spend the next few weeks fighting with your ‘boyfriend’ about your best friend, or whether you spend them figuring out how to save your ranch.”
I opened my mouth to argue. Closed it.
She wasn’t wrong.
“What are you suggesting?” I asked quietly.
“I’m suggesting you consider creating some distance. Not forever. Not because he’s bad for you. But because you’re drowning, Rose, and you can’t save yourself while you’re trying to save a relationship too.”
“That’s a lot to ask.”
“Survival usually is.”
I stared at the water stain on the ceiling. Horse. Definitely a horse.
“What if I create distance and I still lose everything?”
“Then at least you’ll know you gave yourself the best chance.” She paused. “And for what it’s worth, I’d prefer not to lose you as a patient. Do you know how hard it is to find clients who actually do the homework I assign? You’re one of three people who’s ever kept a thought journal.”
I laughed despite myself. “Glad to know I’m valued for my journaling skills.”
“You’re valued for many things. The journaling is a bonus.” She smiled. “Same time in two weeks?”
“I’ll be here.” I stood, then hesitated. “Dr. Carlisle?”
“Yes?”
“What if I can’t create the distance?”
She looked at me with something like compassion. “Then you’ll figure out how to survive with him. But it’ll be harder. And you’ll have to accept that some of your energy will always be going toward something that isn’t saving yourself.”
I nodded slowly.
“Thanks. I think.”
“That’s the spirit.” She walked me to the door. “And Rose? Whatever you decide about Graham, make sure it’s your decision. Not his. Not Denise’s. Yours.”
I left her office with more questions than answers.
Which was pretty standard.
