The blanket falls, displaying my breasts, but I don’t care.
“You need to apologize to me,” I snap.
His eyes travel down, and he bites his lip.
“What for?”
Hot tears burn my eyes. “You took away my freedom! You took my life away from me!”
He places the vape on the dresser, stomps up to me, yanks me by the hair, and presses his soft lips to mine. I try so hard not to melt. I try so hard not to respond, not to move. My spine arches. I let out a tiny moan. He lets me go.
“I’m not apologizing for shit. I’d do it again if I could. I never claimed to be a good guy. I am what I am.”
My chest aches. I truly am married to a monster—someone who doesn’t care how his actions affect me. I’ll never forgive him for what he did.
“What are you to me, Irvin?”
He grips my cheeks, his eyes fixed on me. “Your husband. Your backbone. The person who would die protecting you.”
I bury my face in the pillow. Tears soak the fabric. “I’ll never forgive you for tricking me, Irvin.”
He smiles. “I never asked for your forgiveness.”
Lunatic. Is it possible to hate someone and want them at the same time?
He wipes away my tears. “You’re afraid to want me. Why?”
I hadn’t expected those words to come from his mouth. My knees press to my chest. I rest my chin on them. He’s right. I feel like the more I push him away, the better it would be for both of us.
I don’t know who I am anymore. This marriage has made me realize that there isn’t any escaping—no option. I thought I could manipulate him into letting me go, but that’s not going to happen. I thought I could use his emotions against him, but that didn’t work either. The lie I told myself—that I don’t need Irvin,that I don’t want him—has made this marriage unbearable for both of us.
He lays me down on the bed. “You don’t have to answer the question, my princess.”
He slowly slides his hard dick inside me, stretching me. I have to get used to his size. The width. He fucks me tenderly—soft, slow. This is the first time he’s ever shown me real softness. Without manipulation. Without games.
For the first time, I see the real him.
I listen to the beat of the rain on the roof, the sound of our labored breaths. Blood rushes to my face.
Who am I? What have I become?
I admit it. I do want Irvin. I shouldn’t want him after what he did to me—after he trapped me in this marriage. He turned me into someone I’m not. His games turned me into someone who manipulates just to gain the upper hand, and I keep losing this fight with him. I never tried to exploit anyone’s emotions until I met him.
I don’t know myself anymore.
I’m realizing now that I’m surviving Irvin, and it was necessary to play these games with him in order to survive. Oddly, I understand Irvin—and his madness.
He finishes inside me, then flips me on top of him as I ride him slowly, tears falling freely.
I don’t know me anymore. The lie I tell myself hasn’t kept me safe. I thought I had control over my life, but I don’t.
Am I a prisoner?
My lie has caused me so much pain. I used to think I could control my life, that I was unlovable. Could I be in love with Irvin? Could this work between us?
I used to think I had to protect myself at all costs, but I’m unable to protect myself from Irvin—that’s the crazy thing. I’ve been trying to take control of my life, and he proved me wrong.I’m losing control slowly. I’m also aware that I’m scared of Irvin but addicted to the thrill he gives me—the high.
I’ve been lying for four years about what I want, and I’ve ended up hurting myself emotionally.
