That’s been the game all along. I need to play his game with him.
I inch closer and closer to him until I’m on his lap. I press my hand to his face, tracing my fingers along the facial hair outlining his sharp jaw. I study the tattoos on his face—the flower and the wordsad. I study his sage-green eyes. So deep. So pretty. So empty.
I lean in and kiss his soft, plump lips. His warm fingers wrap around my waist, squeezing tighter. I study his expression, the way he stares at me. We watch each other, neither of us speaking, waiting for the other to make the first move.
“You can’t hide anything from me, my love.”
I nod subtly. He thinks he’s going to win. He thinks he has me exactly where he wants me. My heart aches for his touch—yearns for his affection. I’ve been addicted to the chaos for so long. I’ve been addicted to the high he gives me.
“You wanted me to think I love you, and you’re right.”
My tone is detached.
I’ve lied for so long, I might as well keep doing it. I’m going to feed his ego. He grabs my palms and kisses the inside of them. I have feelings for him. I’ve been hiding it for so long—keeping everything buried.
He told me once that I was fighting my emotions, that I was falling in love with him. He was wrong.
He made me this way. The chaos. The mind games. The manipulation.
And I didn’t have feelings for himbecauseof those things.
I’ve had feelings for Irvin for a while now. I hate admitting it—even to myself. I want him to think he’s winning this game.
“I understand now. I understand now that your obsession is how you love me. I see it.” I kiss the bridge of his nose. “That controlling me is your way of loving me.”
He side-eyes me. “Yes. I’d give up everything for you if you asked, my love. I’m going to spend the rest of our lives loving you.”
He yanks my shirt over my head, then removes my leggings, noting that I’m not wearing any panties. I go along with it. He slides his mouth over my clit, and I study the way he grabs my hips like he’s holding on for dear life. I watch him lick me as if he’s starving.
The love in his eyes is for me, and I want to slap the shit out of him. I want to hurt him—for stirring feelings inside me.
I try to think of something else past the feel of him on me, but I scream his name as I come all over his mouth. He pulls his dick from his pants and slides slowly inside me, fucking me long and hard. I don’t resist. I want him to think I actually want him.
Just because my heart wants him doesn’t mean I have to give in to him. To give up on trying to protect myselffromhim.
Once he finishes inside me, he tucks himself back into his pants. I sit on his lap, resting my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.
“You’re mine,” he says, running his hands through my curls.
“I know. I wouldn’t want it any other way,” I lie, plastering a fake smile across my face.
Lilac
Istare out of the living room window, watching the gunmetal sea. The waves roll slowly onto the shore. I bet it’s cold out there—suppressed, like my emotions. I glance over at Irvin. He’s watching anime while he has a book open on his lap for one of his classes.
I need to get under his skin. It’s time to see what makes him tick. What drives Irvin Ashford? His obsession with me? His love for me? Or both? I need to know.
I want to test his limits. He’s been doing it to me, so I might as well return the favor.
I perch beside him, inhaling his cinnamon cologne, studying the hard muscle beneath his dark shirt. I try not to get wrapped up in him, keeping my hormones in check. I hate that I crave this bastard. It’s sick.
He strokes my cheek and leans in for a kiss, but I turn my head. I study his face—it remains neutral. Of course it does. He always has a poker face. Always in control. It pisses me off.
He tries to kiss me again, and this time I stay still as a statue. He leans back, studying me.
What is his obsession rooted in? Is it me rejecting him? I know he fights harder if I don’t give him what he wants. He chases harder when I don’t behave in a way that satisfies him. When I disobey, he punishes. The more I defy him, the worse it gets.
I’m also well aware it gets him hard.
