“He raped you multiple times.”
I sob again. “Shut u—”
“He killed your parents in the name of love.”
“Please stop.”
“He blamed you for their deaths, and you believed it was your fault.”
I shove my finger into his chest.
“You’re fighting the guilt, the sorrow—the lie you’ve convinced yourself of for the last four years.”
I don’t respond. I slide down to the floor, crying. He yanks me into his arms.
“I wouldn’t choose you if I had a choice.”
Silence stretches. The room feels smaller. Then he tilts his head.
“This isn’t about me. I didn’t make you who you are. I just showed you.” His gaze is steady, unblinking. “You’re not fighting me, my princess. You’re fighting yourself.” A pause. “You’re fighting who you’ve become. You’re fighting what you hate the most—loving me. Because you’re afraid my obsession is like Emerson’s. I exposed who you truly are. You’re the one who wasn’t real from the beginning. I was only ever honest with you. About my obsession with you. My love for you.”
He kisses my forehead, and this time I don’t flinch. This time, I lean into his embrace.
He’s absolutely right.
I’ve been fighting for so long. Fighting my past. Fighting him. Fighting myself. I’m tired. My soul is weary.
I hate myself for it. I hate who I’ve become.
Am I Lilac, or am I Paige?
Paige is the girl who fell in love with the wrong person. Paige was rainbows and sunshine.
Lilac is the woman running from her past—from her demons.
I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know who I’ve become. I want answers about who I really am.
Lilac
Ihave to stop resisting Irvin. He has beaten me mentally in every way. I thought I had my hooks in him—but I don’t. Once again, he’s two steps ahead of me. He knew who I was the entire time and didn’t say anything. I feel like an empty shell. Lost. Confused. Torn.
We stare at each other from across the living room. I sit on the opposite end of the dark couch, and he watches me closely, not saying a word.
What is he thinking about? Probably wondering what my next move is. He said he loves me, and I believe him. He loves me in his own twisted way, but that doesn’t mean I have to accept it. What we have is unhealthy.
Irvin’s obsession scares me.
The difference between Emerson and Irvin is I know how Emerson’s obsession ended. He killed both my parents because he thought we could be together. I don’t know if Irvin would allow his obsession to take over like that.
My heart pounds in my chest.
I need to stop reacting to Irvin. It feeds his obsession, I realize. Maybe I can burn it out—like fire. If you feed fire air, it keeps growing. But if you take away the oxygen, it dies. Maybe it’ll do the same thing to Irvin. Maybe he’ll stop obsessing.
If I keep fighting him, it feeds him.
If I’m scared, it feeds him.
I have to play along if I want to survive.
