Kestria’s eyes are white, and from what I saw, the ghosts on the ice didn’t have the powers to do something like that. No, the only person I know with that power is Jonas.
Jonas blinded her.
‘Llin take her.’ Benny hands Kestria over to Llinos before turning back and heading with me to get Jonas.
‘Just make sure we keep a safe distance apart,’ Benny tells me as we approach. ‘The ice is patchy and thin here. If we put too much weight on one place, we’ll go under.’
‘I’ll follow your lead,’ I tell him, shifting further away.
My feet stumble as we reach Jonas, and it has nothing to do with the ice. His lips are tinged blue, and his fingers are taking on the same hue as he mutters to himself.
‘I didn’t mean to. I didn’t mean to …’ he stammers as Benny hooks one arm under his left side and I take his right. ‘I didn’t know. I didn’t know …’
‘It’s fine. It’s fine. She’ll be okay.’ Tears fill my eyes, the cold stinging as they blur my vision. Fissures form in my chest for Jonas and Kestria alike.
‘I don’t know why it wouldn’t stop. It always stops, but it didn’t. I didn’t know. I don’t know …’
‘It’s okay, Jonas. It’s okay. Come on, we’re nearly there. Let’s finish this thing,’ I soothe.
Together Benny and I drag him up the bank. His knees scrape the hard black stones, but he doesn’t so much as flinch.
No sooner have we reached the ridge than Mila raises her hand.
‘All the chosen have returned,’ she announces, a self-satisfied smile curving her lips and making me hate her just a little more.
My stomach drops. It’s over. Oke is dead, and I’m responsible. A corkscrewing feeling constricts my breathing, tightening around my chest.I don’t know what that Issen spirit did or how it’s even possible, but for that split moment I had magic flowing through me again. Utterly illegal magic.
I turn my head, hoping to catch Kyor’s eye, but before I can the snow disappears from beneath our feet.
Chapter 50
As soon as we return to the High Hold we take Jonas and Kestria to the healers. They aren’t the only two who need help, but the others can all walk there themselves.
‘The healers don’t think they can get her sight back,’ Benny murmurs to Llin and me as we eat dinner that night. Not that any of us have much of an appetite. Thankfully, my dagger was where I left it when I disappeared, and it is now safely tucked in its sheath and secured to my person once more.
‘You went down there?’ Llin asks Benny in surprise.
‘I just … I needed to do something.’
I get it. Helplessness is a feeling I’m more used to than most. Nights spent in the slums when I couldn’t remember the last time I ate. When our bodies were so cold I was scared Kay or I might go to sleep and never wake up. I felt hopeless then, too.
The hall is all but empty, and the quiet is unnerving. We’re officially down to sixteen. Sixteen Rettlings will compete in the penultimate trial. Eighty percent of us are dead or at least assumed dead. Looking at the numbers like that, every minute longer I’m here feels like a miracle.
‘But it was magic that caused Kestria’s condition,’ I respond. ‘Surely magic can erase it.’
‘They’ve tried everything they can and none of it’s worked. They’re out of options, which means she’s out of the Retterheld.’
Silence descends again and I push a piece of meat around my plate. Amonth and a half ago I would have wept to see food like this. Now I can barely swallow.
‘Have you seen Jonas yet?’ Benny breaks the silence with a question I feel ashamed to answer.
‘No, not yet. I was going to go down to the healers after this.’
We’ve been back for hours, and I know I should have been down there already. If it were the other way around, I’m sure Jonas would have camped at the end of my bed until I was ready to talk. The very least I can do is not abandon him now, when he needs me. But it’s hard to face his pain over blinding a woman when I killed one.
‘You won’t find him with the healers,’ Benny confirms. ‘They let him out. A couple of hours ago, I think.’
‘What?’ The word comes out far louder than I expected. ‘Why?’
