Two hours in, the conversation had wandered through easy territory. Work stories. Childhood memories. The kind of things you could share without bleeding. I blamed the wine for what came out of my mouth next.
"How come you never date?"
Ava's fork paused halfway to her mouth. "Where's this coming from?"
I kept my voice light. Casual. Like the answer didn't matter. "Four years, and I've never seen you with anyone."
She set the fork down. "I've never really been in one." The confession came out quieter than I expected. "A relationship. I was too focused on my career."
"Not even dates?"
"I've been on dates." She picked up her wine glass. "Just never made it past the third one."
"No... really?"
I tried not to think about what that implied
"Is that so hard to believe?"
"Yeah, actually."
The word came out before I could stop it. "You're—" I caught myself. "I just figured guys would be lining up."
"Lining up doesn't mean I let them in."
She looked up, tapping her chin with one finger. "There was a guy in med school. We had a backup plan. If neither of us was married by forty, we'd marry each other."
Something ugly flared in my chest. I had no right to it, but there it was.
"Where is he now?"
"Married." Her lips curved. "To his boyfriend."
The jealousy dissolved into something like relief.
Her attention shifted back to her plate. She twirled pasta around her fork, not looking at me. "What about you?"
The question hung in the air. I took a sip of wine, buying time.
"There was someone," I said finally. "Carmen. We were together for four years. Lived together for two."
Ava set down her fork. Giving me her full attention, the way she did, like nothing else in the world existed except the person in front of her.
"What happened?"
"She left." The words came easier than they used to. "Three weeks before I was going to propose. I came home from shift, her closet was empty and half the furniture was gone. She was sitting on the couch, waiting."
“Brian…”
"She wanted stability. I couldn’t give her that."
Ava was quiet for a long moment. When she spoke, her voice was sharp.
"That's ridiculous."
I looked up.
"You save lives." Her eyes were blazing. "You run into burning buildings for complete strangers. You study paramedic textbooks every night so you can do even more, be even better. She left you because you don't wear a suit to work?"
