I feel myself start to frown the more I think about Melissa. The thought of her is ruining my morning coffee. I have to stop dwelling on her, though. She’s long gone. After they broke up, I never heard her name again.
The night after he told me about Melissa, he brought up Jenna Fairviews. I forgot she even existed, if I’m being honest. I hadn’t thought about her or her bullying ways since high school, because yes, unfortunately, I was stuck dealing with her presence until I graduated. She was actually the one who invited me to her party the night everything went sideways with Liam. She had told me it was her way to apologize for all her wrongdoings over the years. That was a lie.
I hadn’t realized that he had missed his graduating class’s party. Even my own brother had gone. Like him, I do remember that night. He told me my brother left to hang out with Cassie, alone. At that point, they weren’t dating, but it was clear that they were in love with each other. Even my eight-year-old self knew it, they just couldn’t admit it. It’s why I hadn’t questioned why he was staying back. Plus, he was such a constant presence in our house that it wasn’t weird. But now, knowing what he gave up for me . . . I can’t believe he didn’t go because I was heartbroken over not being invited to an eight-year-old bully’s birthday party.
I don’t have time to really settle into the warm feeling that creates, though, because Liam walks in. “I thought you had already left. Don’t forget your lunch today,” he says softly.
“I won’t,” I promise. How could I? I need to know what notes he left in there today. My mug even had a sticky note attached to it this morning, again. Today it was just a doodle, one of Gigi and cheese. It brought an instant smile to my face. For someone who doesn’t like anything with fur or four legs, he’s sure taken a liking to my dog. The feeling is mutual, though; she follows him everywhere, begging for any kind of attention that he freely gives her.
“All right,” he says awkwardly. I had forgotten he was still standing there. “I’m off to physio and stuff. I guess I’ll see you later.” I can hear the hope in his voice.
“Yeah, I’ll be here,” I tell him.
The minute his Uber backs out of the driveway, I’m on the move. I didn’t just call in sick for nothing. Plus, I don’t know how much time I have; I’ve never paid enoughattention to how long his therapy sessions are. I quickly make my way to his bedroom, and to his closet where I hope the green duffle bag has been put away.Bingo!It’s back where I first found it. Giddy with excitement and nerves over being caught, I make my way back to the living room and empty all the Ziploc bags on the floor in front of the TV.
I lose track of time going through each and every note he wrote but didn’t give to me. To my surprise, there’s even pictures and ticket stubs with little comments on how a certain pizza made him think of me, or how he was dragged to a concert but that he thinks I would have enjoyed the music. There’s even a note with the number thirty-two. It confused me, so I turned it around and it said,The # of peach/caramel candles I own.
I’m so engrossed in the notes that I don’t even hear Liam get home, so I can’t tell how long he’s been leaning against the wall, watching me go through the notes.
Did he see me laugh? Did he see me frown at the sad notes? Did he see the tears I couldn’t hold back at the ones that made me hurt for the relationship we lost?
“How long have you been standing there?” I finally ask him, meeting his eyes.
“Long enough to see you go through pretty much all the emotions.” I guess he did see me laugh, frown, and cry. “Why are you reading those?” he asks tentatively, as he makes his way to sit on the other end of the couch.
“I wasn’t sleeping,” I blurt out.
His face turns into a frown of confusion at first, before he blushes at the realization that I was awake when he was sneaking into my bed.
“Oh,” he says, awkwardly. “I’m, uh . . . I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I . . .” he starts, barely over a whisper. How did we let things get so awkward between us? This is worse than the frost that was between us when he first moved in.
“Don’t,” I say. “Don’t apologize. I’m not mad,” I tell him, putting him out of his misery. Silence falls between us, and for the first time ever, it’s awkward. I don’t think there’s ever been an awkward moment between us, yet the more we sit in silence, not looking at one another, the more the air thickens with the unknown.
“So . . .” he starts, at the same time I say, “I . . .”
“You go first. Jinx!” we say at the same time, making us both laugh and the awkwardness disappear from the room, making my shoulders relax and letting the breath I was holding escape.
“What were you going to say?” I ask, once I’ve stopped laughing.
“I was going to ask how come you weren’t at work today?”
I feel my cheeks heat at his question. I turn away from him, looking at the two piles of notes in front of me—read and to be read. “Well . . . ummm . . . after what you said last night and the nights before . . . I just . . . I really wanted to read through the notes you showed me the other day. So, I called in sick to work.”
A small laugh escapes him at my confession, causing me to turn to look at him, a wide smile marking his face. It’s rare to hear him laugh, even less to have it happen twice in a row. Yet here he is, sitting on my couch, seemingly happy, smiling, and laughing, even though I technically broke into his room and stole from him. What is this afternoon?
“You really called in sick? The Sloane I know would never lie,” he says, feigning shock with a hand on his heart, making me giggle.
“What can I say? I really wanted to read these,” I tell him honestly, and I’m happy I did. I’ve learned so much about him . . . and how deeply I cut him when I disappeared. Maybe he’s right in thinking that the accident was a good thing. There’s no way I was ready to see or connect with him again before any of this. I was nauseous just at the thought of him moving in with me.
But you were actually sick when you learned of his accident, my subconscious tells me.
“What were you going to say?” Liam finally asks me.
“Honestly, I’m not sure. I had a few questions on the tip of my tongue,” I tell him. “I was either going to ask what you were doing the rest of the day, if you wanted to have supper like we did before Ronan and Cassie showed up, or how your physio was going because I’ve never really asked you that before.”
He’s been sleeping in my bed, and I’ve seen him everyday. I may have wanted to casually push him down a flight of stairs just last week, but now I just want to spend time in his orbit.
Chapter 26
