Thankfully, we can bring everything in in one trip. “How about we just leave this here and head out right now? We can organize all this stuff tomorrow morning. Beth asked that I go at four tomorrow like I had planned today,” I ask, wanting to get this show on the road as soon as possible. I don’t know how long I can keep this secret.
All day Ian hasn’t been himself. Usually, he can’t stop talking, pointing things out, or trying to make me laugh, but he’s been quiet today, lost in his thoughts. It’s clear to see that the conversation we had this morning, and how I quickly brushed him off, is playing on him.
“Sure,” he agrees, dropping off the bags he carried in on the kitchen table, before making his way back to his truck without saying a word.
The entire ride over to the ranch is done in silence, which is odd, but I can’t say I’m not thankful for it. He stays silent throughout saddling the horses and doesn’t question when I ask if he can take me to the spot along the creek—the spot he took me to the first time he brought me riding. He stays silent until about the last five minutes of our ride, and what he says surprises me.
“Sorry for being so moody today. I guess I’m just worried about the start of training camp and the pre-season circus that’s about to start.”
“I can totally understand that. And I can’t say that I’m not going to miss you. I like being able to see whenever I want. I’m here if you want to talk about it,” I offer, but I’m met withsilence, which is fine because the closer we get to our spot, the more nervous I get. I swear I’m about to fly away with all the butterflies I have going off in my stomach.
What if he’s nervous or quiet because he wants to end things with me and I’m about to make the biggest fool out of myself.No, I tell myself, shaking my head. Sadie confirmed that Ian was head over heels in love with me, that that’s the bet that she won that got her an all expenses trip to New Zealand paid by her big brother. She told me that she bet him he would fall in love before the end of the summer.
I’m lost in thought and don’t realize we’ve made it to our spot. I owe Sadie more than a thank you. She really outdid herself.
Chapter 36
I spent the entire day lost in thought. To say I wasn’t good company would be an understatement. It doesn’t help that Hannah hasn’t been herself all day. It has me even more worried and on edge than I was when she changed the conversation I was trying to have with her this morning when she just got out of bed. She never gets out of bed that fast. She prefers to spend every moment, up until she’s borderline late in bed. She’s an early riser, but enjoys staying in the morning. I often end up bringing her her first coffee of the morning in bed. This morning though was completely different, she couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I didn’t like it one bit. I was hoping she would say something as the day progressed but she kept quiet on the topic I tried bringing up this morning, which just made my mood sink even more. Then, when Beth called and said she couldn’t pick up Daisy today, I expected tears or some kind of emotion out of her, but nothing. If I didn’t know any better I’d say she was relieved, happy even, that Beth called her. I don’t know what’s going on with her today but it has me on edge. It doesn’t help that I asked Sadie if she wanted to come with us today; school startssoon and I haven’t spent as much time as I wanted with her this summer, but she didn’t answer my call and sent me a quick text saying that she was busy.
I even tried to apologize to Hannah for being somewhat of an ass all day and she barely acknowledged my apology and just tried to placate me. Usually, she’ll question me or show me something, but not this time, and it’s not helping my sprawling mind. I’m honestly starting to question whether or not she’s in this like I am.
At least the ride went by fast, being lost in thought as I was. I’m confused though, when I get off the Stella and notice the blanket, picnic basket, bottle of wine, candles, and pillows nicely placed by the creek bed. Shit, Dad probably had something planned for Mom, he’s always doing something cute and romantic for her. I should have checked in with them before bringing Hannah here.
“Looks like we weren’t the only ones who wanted to use this spot tonight,” I say, not turning towards Hannah. “How about we just turn this back around and I drop you off at Levi’s so you can get started on getting ready for Daisy’s arrival.” I don’t even take the time to respond, as I start nudging Stella to turn around.
“Wait,” I hear Hannah say. Why would she want to stay? Clearly we’re interrupting something that isn’t meant for us. “We should stay.”
Finally turning to glance at her, I see that she’s gotten off Lily. She’s standing at the edge of the blanket looking nervous as hell. I’ve never seen her look this nervous. She’s wringing her hands in front of her, digging her toes in the ground and won’t look at me. What’s going on?
A little annoyed, I jump off Stella with a huff and make my way towards her. That’s when I notice her cheeks are also red. She waits until I’m standing right in front of her before taking a deep breath and saying, “This is for you.”
“For me?” I ask, scrunching my brows. “What do you mean this is for me?”
“This is for you. This is my grand gesture to you.” Grand gesture? What is she talking about? “Well, part of it anyways, you’re going to have to sit for the rest of it.” Now I’m interested, and her being nervous makes sense. “You’ve been so patient with me this entire summer. You’ve encouraged me and helped me accomplish things I never thought I would accomplish. And I’m not just talking about my Bucket List. I’m talking about things I thought were no longer in the cards for me. Things I had stopped believing in. Including myself.” She takes a break to finally meet my gaze. “You’ve been incredible to me since the moment I met you, but I haven’t been fair to you,” she continues, reaching for my hand, and making my heart stop. This can’t be going where I think it’s going. This can’t be happening to me twice. I was so sure this time.
“Hannah,” I start, gripping her hand tighter.
“No, let me finish.” She cuts me off, making my throat close up. “I haven’t been fair to you or to myself really. I let this fear that Lucas created in me dictate my actions—dictate my relationship with you. I’ve let my past relationship dictate how I see any future relationship, more importantly how I handle my relationship with you. You’ve been hurt too, in the same way I have, yet you don’t hold that against me like I’ve been holding it against you. I was so blinded by the thought of being hurt again that I didn’t take the time to see how you treat me, how you care for me, how you go out of your way for me, how you make me laugh, feel comfortable, or how you always have my favorite coffee and flowers waiting for me around every corner. I guess what I’m trying to say is . . .”
Unable to let her finish this speech that she’s clearly thought out, I roughly grab her by the back of the neck, bringing her lips to meet mine in a searing kiss. This woman. I can’t believe I everdoubted her. I can’t believe she went out of her way to plan this for me.
“Hannah, Hannah, Hannah . . . you did not have to do all this for me,” I say, pulling back resting my forehead against hers.
“Yes, I did. I want you, need you to know, to feel how much I feel for you.” Leaning up, she kisses me again, but pulls back before it can get heated. “I have something else for you!”
With a big smile on her face she pulls be towards the blanket, wanting me down to sit with her. “I got you something. Open it,” she says, handing me a dark brown leather bound journal, her cheeks darkening again. I take the journal from her hands, and she immediately starts wringing them again.
Before opening the journal, I need to make sure she’s on the same page as me. As much as I can see that she cares for me, I need to make sure that she knows how I feel about her. I need her to know where I see this going. I need her to know that she’s my end game. “Before I open this and read whatever you wrote in here, I need you to know that I don’t want this to end between us. I was trying to get to that this morning but you jumped out of bed before I could say anything. And what I really want to say is that I lo—”
Just as I’m about to get those three words out, her hand slaps against my mouth and she says, “Open the journal, Ian.”
She doesn’t give me the time to open the journal, she takes it out of my hand and opens it up to the first page and hands it back to me. Looking down I can’t say I’m surprised that I see a List. What I am surprised to see is the title of the list :H + I’s Bucket List.
Looking up from the journal, Hannah is intently looking at me urging me to read what’s on the list:
H – Apologize to Ian for holding back on him.
