I’m jealous of her phone.
I’m jealous of a little bit of plastic and metal because it’s in bed with her and I’m not.
My feelings for her are getting out of hand. I’m becoming obsessed with her. I force myself to minimize the camera feed in her room. I twitch, wanting to reopen it again.
“I’m just feeling funny, and my answer to the ‘would you rather’ is complicated. It’ll make more sense when I talk it out rather than type it out.” Her voice is a little stronger.
“Yeah, texts don’t have tone, I get that.” I settle back into my chair and go back to double-checking the nightly report for errors.
“I also can’t pick between the two. Because on one hand, it’d be nice for someone to tell me something, a secret, that I can guard. Something I get to know that not everybody else does. It’s like every conversation around me ends abruptly with statements like ‘It’s not for women to know’ and ‘It doesn’t concern you.’ But on the other hand, sometimes I get so incredibly lonely that maybe telling someone else every thought or thing that I do would be kind of nice.” Leticia sighs, and my hand jerks to go to the computer that will bring up her room again.
I stop myself, gripping one hand with the other, squeezing so tight that I could hurt myself.
“Sounds like we’re both just looking for the right connection,” I answer and physically move my chair down the desk, away from that monitor.
“Connection would be really nice.” She agrees before falling silent.
I look for something to fill the silence, but it doesn’t feel tense, more like we’re hanging out.
“Can I ask you a weird question?” Leticia says after a minute.
“Always.”What sort of weird?
“Generally speaking, do you think it’s a turn off that I haven’t had an orgasm?” Her whole sentence sounds like she’s wincing, and again, I’m dying to see her.
“No.” I answer too quickly, so I draw a slow breath and tryagain. “No, it’s not. It makes sense, and for me, it’s alluring. To be able to unlock that with a partner could be really intimate, and I really want that for you.”
We want her.My wolf corrects.We want to do that for her.
But I don’t correct the statement aloud.
“You make it sound so magical.”
“It kinda is.” I laugh and focus for a second, typing in a line of code through a program patch. “A good partner can make you feel a lot more than just an orgasm.”
“Are you a good partner?” Leticia’s voice is soft again.
My restraint crumbles. I slide my chair back and flick on her room feed. She’s looking at the phone screen.
“If I say yes, do I sound conceited?” My cheeks and neck heat.
We’d make her come so hard.My wolf is salivating at the thought.
“No.” Leticia gives me the smallest little laugh. “I wanted a good partner someday, but now I’m afraid I’ll go through life and never experience the good stuff. I should have done so many things already.”
“There’s always time to change.” I try not to push her, and yet, feeling selfish, I do. “You can experience it tonight, if you want.”
“But what if someone is watching?” she whispers.
“Most of your basic security cameras don’t have night vision, and if you stay under the covers, no one can see anything.” I almost let it slip that no one is home, but she didn’t tell me that information. I knew from stalking her.
“Feels weird talking to a guy about this.” Leticia is a little breathy.
“Yeah, it can feel a little weird.” I attempt to soothe her. “I want to give you permission to take something you want for once instead of waiting for someone else. Wouldn’t want them to deny you.”
“What do I even do?” Leticia gives off a low groan, and the lump of covers moves as she pulls them over her head with the phone. “Not that you even have the same parts I do. Why am I asking such weird questions? Never mind.”
“No, not never mind.” I stop her panicked, almost frantic words.
