I set my glass down, twisting my fingers together in my lap. "What if I'm making the same mistake again? What if I'm just… repeating patterns? Letting someone in who will only hurt us in the end?"
Rowan reaches over, stilling my fidgeting hands with her own. "Axel isn't Elliot."
"I know that," I say quickly. "Logically, I know that."
"But emotionally?"
I shrug, unable to put into words the tangle of fear and longing that twists my stomach whenever I think about Axel. How desperately I want to believe in him. How terrified I am of being wrong again.
"He makes me feel safe," I finally whisper, the admission costing me more than I expected. "And wanted. Like I'm not just someone's mother or someone's boss. Like I'm… me."
"That's a good thing, Sadie."
"Is it?" I look up at her, vulnerability making my voice shake. "Because it feels dangerous. It feels like I'm risking everything."
"Maybe you are." She squeezes my hands. "But maybe that's the point."
I pull away, standing to pace the small living room. "I can't afford to risk Poppy. Not for anyone."
"No one's asking you to." Rowan's voice is gentle but firm. "But pushing away someone who genuinely cares about you both isn't protecting Poppy. It's just protecting your fear."
Her words hit me like a physical blow. I stop pacing, hands pressed against the cool wall for support.
"I want to tell him," I say suddenly. "About Elliot. About everything."
Rowan watches me carefully. "Are you sure?"
"No." I laugh, the sound brittle. "I'm not sure of anything. But I think… I think I trust him. And I need someone besides you who knows the whole story."
"That's a big step."
I nod, swallowing hard. "I know."
Rowan stands, coming to join me by the wall. "For what it's worth, I think he deserves to know. And I think you deserve to have someone else in your corner."
"You don't think I'm being reckless? Moving too fast?"
She smiles, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear like she used to do when we were kids. "I think you've been standing still for so long that any movement feels like running."
My eyes burn with unexpected tears. I blink them away, refusing to cry again. "What if I'm wrong about him?"
"What if you're right?" she counters. "What if he's exactly who he seems to be?"
The possibility is almost more frightening than the alternative. If Axel really is as good, as kind, as steadfast as heseems… what does that mean for the careful isolation I've built around Poppy and me?
Before I can respond, my phone buzzes on the coffee table. Rowan and I both turn to look at it. Axel's name glows on the screen.
I cross the room and pick it up, my stomach doing flips.
Axel: Denver this weekend? Reserved a suite at the Oxford. King for us, portable crib for Poppy. Room service, no pressure, just a break before you fly out. Say yes.
I smile, butterflies dancing across my nerves. The simple thoughtfulness of including Poppy, of making this about both of us, not just him and me. Of giving me what I need without me having to ask.
"What is it?" Rowan asks, watching my face.
I can't speak. I just hand her the phone, letting her read the message.
"Oh," she says softly. "Oh, Sadie."
