“You can tell me, Button. Tell me the things you can’t say to anyone else, and I’ll hold them for you.”
He tastes so sweet at this moment—I just know it. If I pulled him against me and shoved any part of him into my mouth he would melt inside of me.
“No—my little blue bird, you can’t.” Tears have started to fall from his eyes silently. Why is he crying? “These thoughts are big and bad. Too much even for me. When this episode passes, it’ll be okay again. But please—I’m falling so far now, so closeto it. Please go away.”
Blue Bird spreads his wings and takes a big step toward me. Idiot.
“What are you falling toward, baby? Tell me.” I gift him a gentle smile—one I mean—because I feel so gently for him, and so harshly. Both and neither.
“Absolute fall out.” He doesn’t understand me—no one understands me. Alone. Always so fucking alone.
“Come in. I made Felix go home. It’ll just be me.”
Silly boy. I’ll blow his whole apartment up—doesn’t he know? Does he know that I’m me? I’m freaking the fuck out. Why the fuck won’t he leave me alone?
“Do you not have fucking ears, Aaron? Are you stupid? God—no one ever fucking listens to me. Fuck!” Spotting a very kickable rock, I kick it across the grass.
“Benjamin.” I look at his stupid hot face. “Absolute fall out. It’s begun. Come inside.”
“N.O. Fuck, dude. Is the only time you listen to me when I’m naked? I’m not shy, Aaron—if that’s what it takes to get you to leave me the fuck alone, by all means!” I don’t need this fucking shirt anyway. It’s hot as fuck out here. Is it day again?
“Nope. Force it is. Sorry, baby—but I’m not letting the whole neighborhood see your cute little ass.” Grabbing me and throwing me over his shoulder, Aaron heads toward his apartment.This motherfucker.
“I am not your baby! Let me go—kidnapper! Mannapper! I don’t wanna go, you can’t make me!” I kick and punch anything I can reach. Wait a damn second. I have a mouth.
I bury my teeth into his side—dig them in, hearing his grunt of pain. Success!
Pop!
I yelp in surprise, right into his body as my teeth stay lodged. This bitch spanked me. I sink my teeth further in. I can taste his blood. God—I think I love him.
“Benjamin—remove your teeth right now.” I do not, because who the fuck is he to tell me what to do? My boyfriend? My dad?
Fuck, fuck—I have to stay angry and it’s slipping away.I unlatch and repeat the bite right next to the old one.
Swat!Damn—that one hurt so nicely.
“Benjamin! Knock it off. You’re being very bad.” Okay, that kind of hurt.
But this anger is slipping away, and I have to keep my fingers on it—have to keep it in the way of what will replace it and barricade it off. I sink my teeth in as hard as I can.
We’re inside now but jokes on him, I know how to run. Aaron throws me onto the couch, and I book it to the door. I have to get somewhere I can lash out without hurting anyone—to keep the anger flowing.
Aaron snatches me up before I reach the door, landing another hard swat on the ass that forces a grunt from my chest. Again—as soon as my feet touch the ground I’m off like a rocket. I get closer this time, but not quite.
“Knock it the fuck off, Benjamin!”
“No! You can’t force me to be here—I’m an adult!” He dodges a punch, half dragging and half carrying me to the back of his apartment where his bedroom is.
“You’re not stable enough to be alone right now.”
“Fuck you! What would you know? Nothing—that’s what you would know. Ihaveto be like this. It’s the only way. Do you want me to die, Aaron? Is that it? Are you fucking tired of me and don’t know what else to do to get rid of me?”
“What the absolute fuck are you talking about?” He locks his bedroom door, throwing me on his bed and guarding the exit.
I’m sitting on his bed—legs on either side of me. I’m panting, glaring, probably a complete mess in my jeans and one of Felix’s old shirts—the one Aaron prevented me from ripping off. I think his blood is on my face. Good.
“You’re fucking sabotaging me is what I’m talking about. All this big talk about caring about me and here you are—locking me up with myself. Is that why? Is that why you like it when I call you my God? To have my life in your hands like this?”
