“Some pervert wasassaultingBenjamin, and you wereasking him to leave?” I’m so fucking pissed. Drew’s not getting away unscathed this time. This time he fucked it—fucked it right up. I feel Felix stand up behind me.
“Uh—” Benjaminstarts to speak.
“I wastellinghim to leave. Is it your business, Aaron? MisterTop 3? I really don’t think it is. Why don’t you just keep fucking your way through the UA student body and leavemyboyfriend alone.”
The whole world around me goes quiet. All I can see is his stupid, pinched face. Yeah? Not my business? Then I’ll make it my business, you piece of fucking shit. Standing there all high and mighty—bossing everyone around and acting holier-than-thou all because Benjamin hurt your feelings once. Fuck this.
I bring my fist to my lips, taste the blood as I kiss it. My rage quiets the world around me. He has the decency to look scared. Good.
I raise my fist—pulling back, watching him flinch away.
“Aaron!” Benjamin’s voice is quick, high-pitched as it penetrates the barrier of rage I had created. When did he start crying? I pause, fist still in the air. Out of the corner of my eye—never taking my sight fully off of Drew—I peek at him. “Please don’t hurt him.” The anguish in his voice breaks me.
Slowly, I lower my fist and turn to him. Anyone would think he’s physically torturing me, tearing me apart. That look on his face. The look that’s apologizing to me, begging me to understand. Eyes that make it look like he’s in love with me.
I look at the button on his chest—then back into his eyes. I’m so miserable, so pitiful at this moment. Pleading, my eyes yelling,why? Why him? Please, Button. Please—anyone but him.
“Then you need to leave. Now.”
He grabs Drew’s hand and runs. I watch him disappear and think to myself how cruel the eyes can be—those windows to the soul.
How easily they lie.
Chapter Twenty
October 2019
Benjamin
Drew and I walk into his dorm in silence. Unbearable, terrifying silence. We’re alone again—his roommate has still yet to move in. Odd.
He stands in the center of the room—absolutely still.
“Drew?” I sound uncertain, scared. “Are you okay?”
Slowly, he turns to face me. He’spissed. I’ve never seen him like this. Not even the night I told him about what happened with Aaron after Ronnie’s last visit. I have a strong urge to back up but hold my ground, unsure if it’ll make him sad if I do.
“You… asked him not to hurt me?” Wait, what? That’s what he’s pressed about?
“Yes—why?” A cruel, sharp laugh leaves his lips. I don’t recognize his voice when he speaks.
“Am I weak, Benjamin? Could I not take a punch fromAaron? I mean, I did some damage to your piece-of-shit dad, didn’t I?” I jump like I’ve been slapped at the hatred in his words—the venom.
“Maybe we should talk about this tomorrow.”
“No. I’m fucking tired of this bullshit. I tried so hard to be around him and support your friendship because I love you and I really care for Felix. Butfuckis it hard.” I can feel my own anger rising within me.
I think this is another pivotal moment of my life—happening right in front of me.
“Support? Drew—if he so much as looked my way you lost it. Ifallowingme to keep him in my life was support, then it was pretty shitty support.”
“Ha! Haha!” Drew is laughing like I’m crazy, like he can’t believe what I’ve said. “After what you two did—after what I put up with—I gave shitty support?” I groan—turning away fromhim, hands on my hips.
“How long are you going to make me live with that hanging over my head, Drew?”
“I don’t know, Benjamin—how long do I have to go on remembering that my boyfriend regrets losing his virginity to me?” His voice is mocking and mean, intentionally hurtful. I turn back toward him.
“Wow. You never intended on forgiving me, did you?” Drew stares at me for a long time, face slowly losing his anger and replacing it with a deep sorrow.
