“I also said that you two are very different, and sometimes I miss the other way and don’t know what to do.” Drew just stared at me, face so angry, so hurt. After a very long pause, he asked,
“In what way are we different?”
“Drew—”
“Benjamin. You owe me this truth.” He’d started to tear up, fists shaking at his sides.
“When I’m sleeping with you, you’re so soft and gentle. You treat me like something special and delicate, telling me how pretty I am, how much you like me. And it’s nice. I really do like it.” Drew waited for it, knew I had more to say and hated that he needed to hear it. “Aaron… he was very possessive. When I slept with him, even if we didn’t go all the way, he acted like he was claiming all of me, devouring me. Owning me, making sure no one else would ever touch me again. He’d tell me how good I was for him and no one else. And it’s just… it felt like a different kind of love.” I waited a long moment as he stared at me. I knew it was fucked, but I said it, and he deserved to know. Finally, through clenched teeth, he responded.
“Benjamin, if you think for even a moment that that toxic motherfucker loves you, then you need to spend some time reflecting.” I went to speak, to defend Aaron, but he didn’t let me, didn’t care. “He marked you! His entire mouth is on your thigh. Forever. Do you know how hard he would have had to bite for that to stick? I won’t be the guy that fucks into you like an animal. I respect you. I actually love you.”
He turned on his heel then and started toward his car.
“So, you’re done with me?” I asked, tears falling—noanger, no judgment.
“No. Give me a day or two to stop being mad and we can move past it. And you—” He turned and looked at me; it felt like he was belittling me with his eyes, looking down on me. “You won’t interact with him again.”
Felix never said anything that night, but I heard him close his window as Drew drove away. I sat on the front steps for a long while, considering Drew’s words, and eventually came to one conclusion: When Aaron was marking me, fucking my thighs like an animal, telling me I was his obedient slut, he was doing it with plenty of respect.
I don’t know if he ever loved me, but the way he’d run his mouth up my stomach, the way he’d look at me like he’d wanted nothing more than to completely sink into me and never leave—it wasn’t just obsession or possession. It was there, yeah, but I also saw the longing. God, he was always pleading to me with his eyes. Begging me for something, but I couldn’t read what it was he wanted.
But that longing—it felt so much like love. When his hips slammed into mine, when his teeth sank into me and those eyes met mine, all I could hear wasplease, please, please.
Four months later Aaron came home for Christmas break. I’d done a good job avoiding him, but holidays are inevitable. I felt bad for Felix, who stayed caught in the middle like a child in a divorce. Drew came over to spend the day with me since he was leaving the state the next morning for the rest of the break, and he spent most of the time trying to square up with Aaron. Aaron looked at him like he was an annoying little kid and didn’t say anything, which just pissed Drew off more.
When I walked him out that night, he reminded me not to interact with Aaron, his anger renewed after seeing him. We’d been doing good—almost like how we were before that day at the market. All the while we never went back to our nicknames. I forever stayed Benjamin, and him Drew. The sun and the moon went off on their own, back to the sky and leaving us both behind.
Aaron confronted me that night and telling him Drew didn’t want me around him was harder than telling Drew I wished Aaronhad taken my V-card. He looked fuckingdevastated—like he didn’t believe me at first and then was absolutely tortured.
“The next time you need someone to hold you, to make you feel protected, I sure as hell hope Drew can do that for you, because I won’t be the one to do it. Not again. Fuck, Benjamin!”
Everything inside of me froze that night, and it didn’t thaw until a few weeks later when we passed each other on one of his trips. I was grabbing something from Felix’s room that I needed for swimming, and he was coming home with Amber. He had smiled at me—those calculating, vibrant green eyes so soft and lovely. I was no longer frozen.
And to add fuel to the “I hate Aaron” fire that Drew is nurturing, Felix has wanted to go to the University of Arizona since Aaron got accepted. He wants to be with his brother, and I’ll go anywhere Felix goes. So, with his hand forced, Drew applied as well. Felix and I have had our letters for a while, but we were waiting for Drew to get his. Fortunately, it came last Friday, which means we get to open them after the ceremony. Felix wants his brother there. It’s really hard to balance the Archer boysandDrew. If we all go to UA, the next few years will be difficult.
We’re standing in front of the auditorium, Felix and Kayla going on about a show they’re watching.
“I told you it would happen. Women have a knack for this.” Kayla flips her long ginger hair over her shoulder. She really is quite beautiful—all pale skin and bright green eyes.
“You got lucky. If you really loved me, you’d have cried with me at the end instead of saying ‘I told you so’ like you’re my mom.” Kayla rolls her eyes at her dramatic boyfriend and throws an arm around his waist.
“Oh, Fe. You know I show you how much I love you in other, more entertaining ways.” Felix flushes bright red, but before he can respond a voice calls out.
“Kay, my ears arebleeding, girl.” I turn around and see Aaron and Amber approaching from the visitor parking lot, Greg and Tina right behind them.
“AARON!” Felix’s screech is so loud that everyone around us covers their ears, and he runs to koala-jump onto his much taller, buffer big brother.Did he get bigger?
College has been kind to Aaron. His body has toned even further, and he seems to carry himself taller. His hair is a bit longer now, but it looks intentional—curls neat and loose on top of his head and around the very tops of his ears, all the way to the nape of his neck. It’s like a cute little baby mullet.Very cute.He’s in dress pants with a button-up tucked into them. Both black, of course. Amber is as stunning as always in a sleek, knee-length black dress that hugs her thighs, her brown hair in a tight bun on top of her head.
Aaron’s eyes—that intoxicating green—find mine. With the all-black outfit and the new hair I didn’t notice growing out, his eyes are so much brighter than they normally are. He looks away.
“My turn, hoe!” Kayla yells, pulling Felix away to wrap her arms around Aaron’s shoulders. He hugs her tightly. They got pretty close last summer, and only more so since then. Kayla and Fe are greeting Amber and Felix’s parents when Aaron approaches me. I have to tilt my head back a tad when he stands in front of me.
“Button.” He greets, a grin slowly taking over his full, pink lips.
“Aaron.” I say, returning his smile.
“You’re about to graduate.” I raise a brow.
