I drop my gaze to my hands in my lap, focusing on the warm point where Felix’s skin presses against my exposed shoulder. The muscle tank I’m wearing does nothing to relieve the heat crawling over me.
I feel Aaron’s eyes on me for the rest of the drive.
Chapter Two
August 2017
Aaron
Two days earlier
Amber runs her hands down my back as she sits next to me. We’re in my room, watching the newest episode of whatever reality TV show she’s obsessed with this time. I lie on my stomach and stare blankly at the screen, enjoying the press of her fake nails as they glide over my bare skin.
A momentary lapse in time. A brief stop in my reality where I don’t have to do anything, where I don’t have to exist. That is my favorite thing about being with Amber. She’s been my closest friend for a couple of years now, and very recently, my lover. We aren’t official, but there’s definitely something there that wasn’t before. I don’t have to put on a face to make people laugh and entertain the way I do with everyone else at school. Being popular is great until you realize you’re too insecure to show your true personality to anyone.
What if they don’t like me?
Will I be forgotten?
It shouldn’t matter. It always does.
But Amber, she understands that fear. Understands me. And she’s kind, and so beautiful. Definitely not what you would imagine from a cheerleader stereotype, but she doesn’t care for all that bullshit. In the same way I may play soccer, but I also go to the English Literature club twice a week to discuss the classics.
I spend so much of my time smiling and joking around, showing everyone around me just how happy and outgoing I truly am. And God, it is so exhausting.
Don’t get me wrong—I’m not sad. I love my family and my friends. I really lucked out with the cards I was dealt in this life. A nice house. Acceptance. The freedom to be myself, even if I’m too insecure to show it to the kids at school. But sometimes I getoverwhelmed, the way I imagine all teenagers do, and I need to stop. To stop existing for a minute. Like right now, in this little bubble with Amber, where the world has stopped spinning.
In truth, I analyze everything, and more often than not, I’d rather sit in silence or have a casual conversation than be social. I guess I’m not the perfect contender for popularity—but I crave that too. I can’t help it. I’m selfish.
“Babe,” Amber says quietly, careful not to disturb the atmosphere we’ve created. “Do you want to get snow cones? I’m craving tiger’s blood like nobody’s business.”
I turn to look up at her. Her long hair is pulled into a ponytail, and her tanned skin is glossed with a bit of sweat from the summer heat we can’t escape. Her tank top and shorts hug her body nicely and I bury my face into her stomach, just beneath her breast.
“Sure. Let’s do it.”
She laughs and runs her nails along my scalp, pulling a shiver from me. I must look ridiculous, wrapping myself around her like a child when I have inches on her, as well as pounds of muscle. I may be a secret nerd in some respects, but I also work out pretty religiously, and my body definitely reflects that.
“Let’s invite Felix and Benjamin.”
She stands, pushing me onto my back, my head dangling off the bed upside down as I watch her slip on her sandals and grab her purse. I nod and grab my Vans, slipping them on before heading through the conjoined bathroom to Felix’s room. I don’t bother knocking; I can hear their laughter from my bedroom.
When I open the door, I find them both on Felix’s bed—Benjamin holding the Nintendo Switch and yelling something about “freaky fields” from where he lies across the foot of the mattress. Felix leans against the headboard, his legs draped over his friend’s stomach, using an Xbox controller as he laughs and guides his character on the TV in the corner.
“No! Fe, you loot-stealing bitch! I’ll kill you.”
Felix laughs and kicks him. “Worst duo ever.”
Benjamin drops the Switch and starts pinching Felix’s thigh as hard as he can. Felix yelps and kicks harder.
“Boys?” I prompt, leaning against the bathroom doorframe.
They both look at me, not at all concerned or shocked by my appearance.
“Yes?” Felix asks, giggling quietly as Benjamin grins at me over his shoulder, mid-punch.
They look so soft in here, in their own little world. So untouched by everything and everyone around them. I wonder if they’ll stay this way—be like this forever.
“Snow cones?” I shake my wallet, and both of their eyes widen as they scramble to get up, throwing shoes in every direction.
