“Yeah! She’s in most of mine and Bear’s classes.” Everything always leads back to him. No matter how hard I try. I watch the door, anxious that he’ll bust through at any moment and scream at me. Felix taps me with his foot, following my line of sight. “He went home.” My eyes snap to Felix, who’s wringing his fingers.
“What?!”
“He has to go at least once a month. There’s something he has to check, apparently. But Bear’s got it under control. He said his dad isn’t home most of the day on Sundays. He’s normally at the bar.” I swallow thickly.
“I was going to mention it to you. What do we do if something baddoeshappen?” Amber asks, her hand moving to rest over one of mine, the other resting on Fe’s shoulder.
“No, it’ll be okay.” Felix says. “He’s the strongest guy I know.”
My heart is pounding in my ears. After yesterday, he just gets up and goes home? How much can he take? Even if he doesn’t run into his dad, just being in that house is hard enough for him. God, Button.
“I know that Fe, but just in case.”
“Then we take care of him.” Felix is stern, no room for argument. “There’s nothing else we can do. We take care of him.”
Okay, I’m sure it’s fine. Benjamin said he knows his dad’s schedule, he’s been doing this for years. Plus, he’s normally only gone for a few hours, right?
“How long has he been gone?” Felix flinches when I ask him, pulling his bottom lip into his mouth. “Felix.”
“Oh, God.” Amber whispers, covering her mouth. Something in the air shifts.
“Felix!”
“Since this morning!” He’s crying now. “Longer than normal, I know. But if I chase him down and go to that house, he’ll never forgive me. All I can do is hope he comes home to me and stay positive.” He’s shaking so badly that Amber pulls him against her, tears soaking her cheeks as well. It’s four in the evening.
I stand next to the bed, pulling my hair at the roots, trying my best to stay fuckingcalm.
“I…I’m going to go get him. He can’t just lie there and die, Felix.”
“No! I promised I wouldn’t let that happen. He doesn’t want anyone to see that side of him.” Felix is pleading, grabbing at my shorts to keep me next to the bed.
“Damnit, Felix! Would you rather him hate you from the other room or watch as we bury his body!?”
“Aaron!” Amber yells. Felix sobs.
“I need to go and—” The front door slams shut. Not in a typical someone-just-got-home way, butslamsshut. No one moves. The tension is palpable as all three of us stare at the bedroom door. I hope it’s him—I will give anything for it to be him. But I also hope it’s not, because if it is, something is definitely wrong.
Footsteps in the hallway. No one is breathing. The door swings open, hitting the wall with a burst of sound. Everyone flinches.
Standing there in my sweatpants that I put him in yesterday and a Lancaster Swim shirt, is Benjamin. He’s crying. Well, trying not to and failing as the tears freely fall while he stares straight ahead, emotionless. His left eye is black and still swelling, there's blood actively dripping out from somewhere in his mouth. His collarbone is purple on the right side. There are bruises in no particular pattern on both arms, a nasty burn on the right. The shirt and pants are stained with something dark in random spots, and his hair is matted to his forehead with blood, some of it spreading back toward the crown of his head. It looks like there are bloody claw marks on his left wrist, deep and shredded.
Felix sobs, drawing Benjamin's eyes to him. The moment he sees Felix he breaks down.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He falls to his knees. I’m moving forward before I can think, but luckily Felix is quicker, kneeling in front of Benjamin before I break our agreement and touch him.
“Aaron.” Amber whispers, pulling me back by my bicep. She’s trying her best not to cry. I stumble back and sit on the edge of the bed, watching my baby brother make it all better.
“Bear. Bear, look at me.” Benjamin’s sobbing so fiercely, so torn up.
“I-I-I thought I knew. I’m sorry.” He wails. “Why? Why does he do this to me? I had to have been bad, Fe. I had to have been so bad in some other life to be treated this way. No one fucking wants me; I want to be worth more than what I am.”
My heart fucking shatters. Felix pulls Benjamin against his chest, and I watch Benjamin's face as he sobs against his shoulder. Amber is crying softly, so I pull her toward me and hold her hand. I would be lying if I said I didn’t have a few tears of my own. It feels like there's a hot rod in my throat. I’m just as guilty as his father for the mess in front of me.
“You’re okay. You’re safe now. We’re here.” At the mention of ‘we’ Benjamin seems to notice there's more than just the two ofthem here. I don’t think he saw anyone or anything until he laid eyes on Felix. That’s just how love works, I guess. His eyes peek up from where he's crying against Felix’s shoulder.
He looks at Amber for a moment, then his hazel eyes settle on me. I wish he didn’t know I was here. I wish I wasn’t here at all, in this moment with him. All the pain in his eyes, all the hurt—when he looks to me his face crumbles further. As if to say,Aaron, haven’t I gone through enough? Why did you do this to me? Can you fix this?
I can’t seem to look away, like a punishment I deserve—I hold his gaze. He keeps crying, and crying, and crying. Felix pulls him back and Benjamin finally looks away from me.
