The whole situation is unfair to him—I should have known better. I should have stopped. I’m the adult. A whole year-and-a-half older. It was my responsibility to keep that attraction from becoming a physical thing, and I failed. But can you blame me?
Benjamin was right in front of me, so sweet with his smooth skin, golden hair, and full lips. The way his dimples cave into his cheeks or move up and down on his lower back with every step he takes. The big hazel eyes, needy little whines, or how beautifully his cock sits against his stomach hard and proud.
And that filthy mouth of his.
“I was made to be touched by you…. I fit so perfectly in your
hands…. Whenever I see you, my body is no longer mine, fighting its way to you.”
He knows how to get under my skin. He lives there. Benjamin asked me how I could be at his mercy yet crush him so easily. If I thought it wouldn’t hurt him, if I thought for a moment there was a chance that being able to keep up this charade with me wouldn’t end in his falling to pieces, I would kneel at his feet just like he wants. He doesn’t understand. Doesn’t he see how I’d do anything,anythingfor him, short of intentionally bringing him more pain? I won’t do it. As much as I can avoid it, I will.
But that doesn’t mean I’m not at his mercy—oh no, I sure am. I’ll do as he says. I won’t touch. If he tells me not to speak, I won’t speak. Benjamin wants me to bark?Woof. He should know that being at his mercy means he could do anything to me, and I’d let him. Not that I’d be willing to let him hurt himself with my hands.
Whether he sees it or not, that’s what our relationship would be.
A knock hits my bedroom door and I ignore it. I don’t care who it is—I’m not in the mood. The only thing I’ve done today is shower and brush my teeth. In athletic shorts, no shirt, and rocking crazy bedhead, I’m not in the state to entertain. Not to mention the state of my psyche. Seconds later, the bathroom door flies open. Fuck, I never learn.
“Get up, fuckface.” Amber has her hands on her hips. Her long hair is pulled up in a clip and she’s wearing her normal casual attire, jean shorts and a tank top.
“Why?” I ask blandly, laying my head back down on the pillow.
“Dude, you look like you got dumped.” I say nothing. “What, that girl from the party fuck with your heart?” Again, nothing. She sighs. “Whatever, I won’t push. Come.” She drags me by my arm and off my bed. Her strength is surprising considering her size.
“Ugh, where are we going?” Amber leads me through the bathroom, and I start to dig my heels into the tile. “Hey wait. I don’t want to. Let me lay back down. Amber, stop, I—” I’m pulled into Felix’s room, and to my relief it's just my baby brother. No Benjamin in sight.
“What?” Amber asks, dropping my arm. “Don’t like Felix anymore?”
“Hey!” Felix pouts.
“No, I just… it’s nothing. What are you guys doing?” She gives me a questioning look but drops it, sitting on the bed with Fe and patting the spot next to her. I sit.
“Talking about Felix’s new girlfriend.” Amber sings, wiggling her brows.
“Oh, girlfriend?” I ask him, giving a pointed look. He laughs.
“Yeah, her name is Kayla. I’m going to bring her over, I think at the end of next week. Tomorrow we have a friend coming over to swim after school.” I suddenly remember a moment from yesterday, hearing Benjamin talking into his phone as he stared at me.
“Drew, I’m sorry, something's come up. But plan on being busy Monday afternoon, okay?”
“Are you talking about Drew?” Felix’s eyes light up, sitting up straighter.
“Yeah! How did you know?” I shrug.
“I heard Benjamin mention him. Who is he anyway?”
“Drew is on the swim team with Bear. He finally got the courage to ask him to be friends, it was adorable. Bear said he really needs some friends judging by the way he talks.” Fe laughs, leaning back against his headboard and resting his feet in my lap. I pat his shins.
“What does that mean?” Felix clears his throat.
“Well, I think Bear said that when Drew approached him, he was all shy about it. And then when he asked to be friends his tone was super sweet and shy. Bear said it was like a love confession, funny enough. So yeah, he definitely needs to work on that before someone gets the wrong idea.” Amber nudges me with her elbow but I pay her no mind, letting this information circle my head.
“Uh huh. And Drew has no other friends to help with this problem?”
“We wouldn’t know. Bear only sees him when they're swimming, and I’ve never even met him, let alone seen his friend group, if he even has one.”
Wow. Okay. So this Drew guy is either really into Benjamin and using his shyness as a tool to help him win Benjamin over, or he’s some super nerd who has no friends at all. I don’t have a very good feeling about this.
“Is Kayla a junior?” I ask, pivoting the conversation to something new.
