He looks tired, in his sleep shorts and a t-shirt, hair a mess. His leg bounces where it hangs off the bed.
“Anyways, you mentioned that Drew guy yesterday, right? Should we invite him over for a swim?” I squint my eyes at him, stepping toward the bed.
“Felix.” He panics, standing straight up, but not moving away.
“I mean, the parents won't care and it’s still warm enough out. I think it’d be nice to do something he enjoys the first time we hang out.” I take the last few steps until I’m standing in front of him.
For a moment I freeze, scared he’ll be able to smell Aaron on me.That’s crazy. I poke his shoulder.
“Felix, who did you leave the party with? Why are you freaking out?” Felix bites his lip, staring at me for a moment, those kind green eyes a bit hectic and flustered. He abruptly walks around me and paces in front of the closed bathroom door.
“You’re going to be so mad at me, Bear. You’re going to be pissed. I didn’t mean for it to happen.” He’s wringing his hands, voice trembling, and my heart drops.
“Felix. Tell me.”
“Please,” he begs, staying where he is but stopping to look me in the eyes with his pleading expression. “Don’t get mad at me.”
“Okay.”
“Remember all of the years we’ve been together, okay? That I love you, and if you really want, I’ll cut it off.” My brows furrow, my arms crossing. I give him a sigh.
“Felix! Okay, I get it. Tell me.”
“Kayla.” My expression drops to one of exactly no emotion, completely blank.
“What?” A tear falls from one of his eyes, a hand in his hair.
“I’m so sorry. I know you were interested in her, and I even gave her your number last year. But I don’t know. You never really talked about it again, and a couple of weeks ago she started talking to me.” When I don’t speak, Felix continues. “We hit it off and started texting a lot—turns out she loves the same shows I do! Anyways, I saw her at the party, and I went over to talk to her. One thing led to another and now I’m taking her on a date tonight…” I notice then that Felix has a pair of nice slacks and a polo laid out at the end of the bed. I study him and as he panics I try so fucking hard to understand because—who?
“Okay—I—Felix.” He closes his eyes, bracing himself. “Who the fuck is Kayla?” His green eyes shoot open, taken aback.
“Kayla? Kayla Anderson? Hottest girl in our year? You were interested in each other last year. Red hair…”
“Ah!” Recognition hits me. Felix and I walking downstairs before our trip to the river, asking him who the hottest girl in our grade was. Then later, after catching Aaron and Amber about to do…whatever it is they were going to do, saying I’d text her back. I never did.
Felix is looking at the floor, half confused and half terrified, like now that I remember I’ll hate him for having a crush.
“Fe.” He looks at me. “I never even messaged her back. You don’t have anything to feel bad about. I’m happy you guys hit it off, really. I was never really that interested anyway.” Felix takes a step towards me, hands shaking, eyes lighting up as he wipes them.
“Really? You’re not just saying that?” I laugh.
“Really. I wish you would have told me in the beginning. Could have saved yourself this stress.” He’s in my arms, throwing us back onto his bed, squishing me.
“I know. I’m sorry. I know trust is important between us. I won’t do anything like that again.”
Trust. Right. I rub his back and swallow thickly. I don’t need his apology, not when I am keeping something much, much worse hidden away.
“So, this date. When and where?” Felix sits up, and we face each other crisscross applesauce on the bed. He’s blushing.
“I’m going to pick her up at five, and we’re going to get ramen. Then, bowling. I’m not too sure after that.” He shrugs.
“That sounds really fun, actually.” Felix laughs.
“Don’t worry, Bear. I’ll take you next.” Shoving his shoulder, I move to lay my head in his lap, letting him run fingers through my tangled hair. I soak in his comfort.
“Where is Aaron anyway?” I ask as nonchalantly as possible. If he’s hiding in his room, maybe I’ll bump into him soon.
“Not sure—he left with Amber like an hour ago.” Of course. Why would he be home? Just like last time, he runs. I won’t see him for days, then when I do, things will be awkward till one of usthrows a life raft and we’ll never talk about any of it again. This cycledefinitelydoesn’t make me feel worthless.
